Friday, May 15, 2009

Stealing Sky Malls and Lusting After Waffles

I like to blog from way up in the air. Yeah, they just told me that my laptop is hovering 39,000 feet above … uh … well, they didn’t tell me where. Must be close to Indiana by now. The clouds are thin but the world is invisible. How many places can you go where the world is invisible? Last night I lay in my bed toying with the idea of sleep. I was in that sweet spot where the tension of the day had faded into the “who gives a darn” of the night. I thought about closing my eyes when a huge gust of wind hit my outside wall , coinciding with a clap of thunder that would make applauding angels jealous. We are talking loud here. But that puny little 70 mph gust can’t compare with the 500 + mph with which my current vehicle is rushing across the continent. We left St. Louis 45 minutes late but not to worry. We’ll land on time. The nice man in the big chair with the blue suit and plastic wings on his chest says so. I believe him. When I boarded I almost asked him if this was the plane that lands in the Hudson or the Chesapeake. I thought better of it. Sounds rather terroristic to me. Some things are best left unsaid.

It took me 53 years to learn that truth.

A young lady who lives far away from where she will sleep tonight just handed me .75 oz. of peanuts. HONEY ROASTED peanuts. This is what separates us from the rest of the world. Some dream of peanuts on the ground and ask “why?” I eat them in the air and ask “Why not?”

I have also pilfered three copes of Sky Mall” from the seat backs in front of me. The little sticker on them says it’s appropriate to take one and they will replace it. I read the sticker three times, which entitles me to three magazines. One for Topher. One for Scott. One for Jim. They will thank me. But they will not really order anything. That’s because they are married. When you are married you are allowed to read Sky Mall but you are not allowed to purchase anything in it. It’s a shame really. They have truly good stuff. Like real motorized “bumper boats” for your pool. No matter that they don’t have pools. Just owning your own bumper boat would be a great reward in itself. It’s alright if you don’t understand. But if you don’t … I’m betting you are a girl.

Baltimore is calling. Enterprise is waiting. Washington D.C. is in the way. Richmond is open late. I wonder if they have a Waffle House?


Anonymous said...

Hey in the sky mall catalog did they have anything for fishing for bass. As you may know I like to fish for bass.Just a question. Good luck on your trip. I hope you enjoy being around your brother-in-law I hear he is the best.


Earth Muffin said...

Colby says it's A-OK with him if you buy a motorized bumper boat, as long as you invite him over to ride in it.

I, however, think a motorized bumper boat is unnecessary. Buy your wife a washer and dryer, then we'll talk.

And I have it on good authority that the Sky Mall catalog was created by a man.

Mary Fitzhugh said...

Ron...don't girl bash too much! I happen to be a HUGE fan of Skymall & have taken advantage of the free copy once or twice.

I always have good intentions to purchase...but then it gets lost in all the gathered junk mail after the trip & I forget about it!
I recently saw the bumper boats & thought how fun that would be! I have a pool...When I get some money to blow...we'll see if BRYAN will let me!

They do have a "pool"'s one of those swim in your house against the current things. Not as fun as a real pool but if you like the laps, i bet they're good enough...especially in STL in the winter.

I also LOVE the R2D2 lifesize robot and the wall size crossword puzzle (almost bought for bryan--he and coworkers were addicted to crosswords a long time ago)

Alright, done with confessions...I can hang with you when it comes to Skymall ;0)

Anonymous said...


I can put it in my classroom and that way my students will know from day 1 that I am either:
A. completely totally awesome
B. completely totally hopeless

They get to pick, but I'm betting on A.