Saturday, June 05, 2010

Planting Donut Seeds ... Memories in Sugar

Tonight Elle and I planted Donut seeds. Yes, you read that correctly. Donut seeds. We've already reaped a crop of four donuts and I expect more in the morning. What? You find this hard to believe? See for yourself...

I gotta get me one of these...

Click on the video for a better/wider view.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

If I Ruled The World - Part 2 (today's rants)

- Everybody has to drive the Popular Street Bridge in downtown St. Louis for a month. Survivors will be allowed back into the general population.

- Skimping on carbonation in fountain soda wins you 3/4 of a normal ration of oxygen per day. Hey ... if it doesn't burn going down it doesn't count.

- Forcing people to pay to park in a garage connected to a hospital results in hospital administrators paying to park at the grocery store, shopping mall and , oh what the heck, stop lights.

- Throwing your "butts" out of your car window gets your butt thrown out of your car window. (I don't really need to explain this, do I?)

- Not paying your employees enough to work at your restaurant (thus forcing them to rely on my tip to put diapers on the baby) will result in your giving them your restaurant. Fair 'nuff.

OH PLEASE let me be in charge...

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Tonights Guest Blogger; Mrs. Laura Woods. My daughter-in-law.

I read my daughter-in-law's blog tonight and there is simply no way I can top it. So I am introducing her as my guest blogger for the evening. And I think this just may be my favorite picture of my granddaughter, Elle. Enjoy ...
This is my niece Elle. She turned 4 last week. This is her new “bell bike” as she likes to say. Not because it has Belle from the movie on it, but because it has a bell she can ring to tell other bikers that she is also now biking. At least that’s what she told me.

Elle is so happy. She helps me remember the amazing joyful imaginative newness of being 4. You can’t keep her down. Not to say she doesn’t have her moments, as does any 4 year old. But then she just ends up right back here. With the wind in her tassels and the sun on her cheeks just waiting to pop out some freckles.

I kind of love her. A lotta bit. As if you couldn’t tell. She’s gonna make a great older cousin to help Judah get in all kinds of mischief.


Sunday, May 30, 2010

If I Ruled The World

- You spill oil in the gulf? You suck it up. You can't suck it up? We give your gas away for free.

-Ribs once a week. It's the law.

- Tailgating would automatically trigger the backward facing Stinger Missile in the trunk of the car in front of you.

- Those headlights that are like ... bluish and retina melting? 20 years in Leavenworth.

- You break your leg celebrating your own game winning grand slam? Walk it off. You can't walk it off? After you heal you spend the rest of your career with 6th grader as your "pinch runner." Oh, and you split your salary with him/her 50/50.

- You don't mow your lawn on a weekly basis? Your neighbors get to mow it for you and then put all of your stuff in a "garage sale." All proceeds go to off-set the loss your presence on the block causes to their property value. Oh. And they get to tattoo a bright red "M" on your forehead (for "Mow-ron.")

- You serve cold french fries at your fast food restaurant? You go door to door in Idaho for a year and explain why you did it. In your underwear.

- You text and drive? Automatic hour in the boxing ring with Oprah. Only your hands are duck taped behind your back and she is on Meth. Oh, and your in your underwear.

- Sagging pants? You lose 'em. Yeah, you get a skirt instead. And if your skirt sags you get leotards. Red ones with runs in them. And NO underwear.

- Full body scanners at every airport. You don't want to use them? Go Greyhound.

Oh, how I wish I ruled the world. I'm just getting started ...