While traveling with my wife in Minnesota recently I came across a store in the mall of America called the “Lake Woebegone Shop.” It was a typical tourist trap. But in the back of the store I found a true treasure. Treasures don't come your way in life very often and when they do you need take advantage of them. You need to soak in them as though they were a hot bath on a cold winter's night. You need to remember them much as you would remember a quiet conversation with a good friend. The back corner of the store was called “Old Lutheran”. Evidently Lutherans inhabit much of Minnesota and so they needed a place to purchase their own memorabilia and artifacts. Although I've never been a Lutheran I do know a good time when I see one and there was one waiting for me in the back of this little shop. I found Lutheran T-shirts, Lutheran coffee mugs, Lutheran beer steins ( those Lutherans drink you know,) and a vast array of other Lutheran produced holy hardware. But the crowning glory stood 8 inches tall and had a big head on it. You can keep your Mark McGwire, your Sammy Sosa, your Barry bonds. I am now the proud owner of a Martin Luther bobble head doll. He sits on my shelf clutching his Bible to his chest, wearing his jaunty hat and looking for all world like a centuries old reformer should look. You have to admire those Lutherans. They know how to turn a buck. At least they made one off of this Baptist.

Speaking of Baptists, what is wrong with us? Why don't we have our own Holy hardware, our own Jesus junk? When was the last time you saw an old Baptist beer stein? OK, maybe that was a bad example. But have you ever seen old Baptist golf balls? Have you ever seen old Baptist baby bibs? Have you ever seen old Baptist pencil holders? I think not. We make Sunday School literature. We print bibles. This is all well and good but who is going to hold my pencils? I have to turn to the Lutherans.

Fortunately for the Southern Baptist Convention I am here to save the day. More specifically, I have come up with a plan with which the First Baptist Church of Bethalto can raise $5.9 million in record time. It will not require any fund-raising dinners or signed commitment cards by weary, over giving members.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to the John the Baptist bobble head doll. This is a doll unlike any other doll. Purchase a John the Baptist bobble head doll and the head is sold separately. That way we double our money! The doll itself should cost $20. Purchasing the head should cost an additional $20. Here is the beauty of the plan ... when you put the head on the body, every 20 minutes it pops off and lands on a silver platter! I figure if our overhead runs 50% we will have to sell 147,500 John the Baptist bobble head dolls and 147,500 John the Baptist bobble head heads before we find ourselves sitting in grand comfort in our new auditorium.

Deacons. Building committee. Trustees. Church members. I say we take this hill! First Baptist Church ... let's roll!