And Then There Is God ...

Surreal. That is the best word I can find to describe what tonight feels like. I am walking through a Salvador Dali painting. No, the sun isn't dripping in the sky and the chairs in my room are not warped out of proportion. But reality is ... unreal. There is a touch of déjà-vu mixed in with it all too. I have been here before. Yes, it has been 24 years. But this is not the first night I've slept in a strange hotel room knowing that when morning dawns I will be going to speak to a part of God's family that I do not know. I will stand before them and proclaim truth as it is taught in the Word of God. They will be analyzing me. I will be analyzing them. They will be trying to decide whether or not I am a worthy leader. I will be trying to discern whether these sheep will follow. And both of us are praying for divine guidance.

I feel so blessed. One of my best friends, my son Christopher, and his incredible girl friend, Laura, came with Debbie and me. They did not have to. They could be at home right now but they chose to accompany us. All day long they made us laugh. They kept our minds off of the coming task. We ate McDonalds, Skyline Chili, and incredible wings and ribs at a place name "Quaker Steak." It was designed to look like the inside of a gas station. Fun.

But now the room is dark. Debbie and Laura have retired to the room next door. Christopher is beginning to breathe the deep breaths of sleep. And I am left with a glowing computer screen in a quiet room in a strange city. I believe that God is calling me here. And I must obey. But my thoughts turn to...

-A little girl named Elle who holds her arms up to me, spins in circles when I tell her too, and bends over to put her head on the floor so that I can help her do a summersault. I cannot imagine not being close enough to do that at least a few times each week.

-The best daughter on the planet, Kelli, and her rock 'n' roll playing awesome husband Joe. They make me smile, keep me sane, and remind me of the deeper definitions of "family." Living 550 miles from them is unthinkable.

-Jim and Alisha. My brother-in-law who is more like a blood brother to me than a legal one. He and Alisha are some of our best friends. Yes, family can be that way.

-Christopher and Laura. Just because they joined us on this journey is no reason to assume that either of them will be able or willing to actually take up residence here. They know they are welcome to. But sometimes real life is more complicated than that. Honestly ... how can I live in a house without Christopher? He's been a constant in my life since 1985. They are an incredible couple and he is an amazing ... if often challenging ... son. I like people who march to the beat of their own drummer and "Topher" does hear his own.

-And a small handful of friends that have stuck with us through thick and thin. If you are reading this you know who you are. When it's been ugly, you've been there. When it's been good, you've been there. And I will always love you for it. And I have no desire to leave you.

And then there is God. He has always been loving and kind to me but since 2001 he has taken it to an entirely new level. It's been intensely painful and deeply joyous. The pendulum has gone both ways. He is God. And I am His child. And what He tells me I will do. I have a hunch He is telling me to come here. I will know for sure in 8 days. But first I have a job to do. I have a tomorrow to serve my way through. And that is what I insist on doing. Serving. I do not want to be served tomorrow. I do not want to be catered to or impressed. I want to serve. I want to do it with excellence. And then I want to get out of His way and allow Him to accomplish whatever He wants to accomplish.

And I will do what He tells me to do and go where He tells me to go. There is no other way to live.

But tonight? It is surreal.