Saturday, March 29, 2008

An Idea Whose Time Has Come

A friends blog has prompted me to take action. There is a time to talk and a time to act. Now is that time.

I want to build a trebuchet. The word itself is of "middle english" origin having been translated from an old French word, "trebucher" or "over thrower."

A trebuchet is a machine used in medieval warfare and was used for hurling large stones or other objects.

It is the "other objects" that have caught my attention. Having learned from reliable sources (thank you, Mr. Mayor,) that Sheffield Lake is a mere 31 miles away from Canada by water, I have decided that the time has come for me to leave my mark on our neighbors to the north. They are, after all, simply "America's hat."

Tonight I ate Lake Erie Perch for the first time. The sign in front of the restaurant said that the fish are certified. I asked the waitress if I could see their papers of certification. She said their dog ate them. I'm doubting it. Therefore, I am building a trebuchet. I plan on catching all of the Lake Erie Perch that I can this summer. Certified or not. And then ... then I am going to load them up, position the counter-weight, hit the lever ... and pelt Canada with Perch. One at a time. To the best of my knowledge this has never been attempted before. However, I have it from OTHER reliable sources that Ontario just issued their first "Perch Watch." This means that conditions are right for the formation of Perch over the skies of the province of Ontario. Should this happen a "Perch Warning" would be issued. At that time citizens of Canada will be given instructions on how to withstand the onslaught of Perch. I suppose they will be sent to the center of their homes on the lowest level. Perhaps hiding in the bathtub would help, though, upon further reflection, that is probably where the Perch will attempt to land. Especially if their is water in the tub. They will be told to never attempt to out run falling Perch and in the unfortunate event that they are caught out of doors they should lie flat in a ditch or the lowest piece of ground available. I wonder if doppler radar will detect Perch?

This is going to be an amazing summer.


Kelli said... do remember that you and power tools don't get along, right?

Ron said...

Power tools, schmauwer tools. I'll use a butter knife and rubber mallet if necessary!

Suzylouwho17 said...

havn't you ever seen little people big world? They almost died with their pumpkin launcher thing!

Anonymous said...

Um - I could be mistaken, but your fish picture looks like a blue-gill and not a lake perch. Maybe Lake Erie lake perch are different than ones around here. :-)

A Wisconsin person

Ron said...

Anonymous Wisconsin Person, you could be 100% correct. I have no idea. I googled "Lake Erie Perch" and that picture came up. Hey ... to me, a fish is a fish! You could be right about the Lake Erie thing though. Scary.

Anonymous said...

Yes, that is scary. It's no coincidence that it's called Lake Erie (eerie). (Insert Twilight Zone Theme Music here.)

A Wisconsin person