Tuesday, April 05, 2016

News From The Hood

It has come to this.

I went to Gander Mountain to make a few purchases and as I was leaving a clearance rack caught  my eye.  Clearance racks do that.  I am, at my core, cheap.  While browsing through the rack I came up with a sweatshirt that I really like.  Right size.  Acceptable color.  Trendy brand.  (Did I mention I'm totally hip?)  Excellent price.  I took it with me to the check-out. That is where things got a little weird.



"Thank you for shopping with us.  Will this be on your Gander Mountain charge card?"

"No.  This will be cash."

"Alright.  (begins scanning my items.  Eventually comes to the sweatshirt.)  And would you like an extended warranty on your clothing?"

"Huh?"  (I'm so witty.)

"Would you like an extended warranty on your sweatshirt?"

"You are kidding, right?"

"No, sir.  Not at all.  If you rip it or stain it, you just bring it back and we will give you a gift card for the price of the sweatshirt."



"Who does that?"

"A lot of people purchase a clothing protection policy."

"Uhhhhhh.  No.  No, I think I can self-insure my clothes."

"Are you certain?"

"Let me think ... YES."

"Well.  Alright...."

What happened?  I just took a short nap and the world changed.  My life is insured.  That is so Debbie can dispose of my carcass legally and have enough left over to serve potato salad to anybody who might come to the funeral.  My house and my car are insured, in part because the state (and the lien holder) requires it.  But a sweatshirt?  Never mind  a CLEARANCE sweatshirt.  I think there is probably a deep point to be made here.  Something about our culture going wonky and nobody being willing to accept responsibility for their own stuff or their own actions anymore.  But if I make those points here I'll wind up sounding like a cranky grandpa.  (No matter that I am a cranky grandpa.  Shuddup.  I've earned the right...)  So I will just let you come to your own conclusions.

Oh, by the way.  When I got home I looked at the receipt.  She failed to ring the sweatshirt up as clearance.  I returned it that night and they argued with me about the price.  I asked for a refund.  I wonder ... if I had taken out sweatshirt insurance would they have refunded that too?  Do I need insurance against sweatshirt fraud?  This cannot lead anywhere good....