Now I know why they call it a "spoiler." When somebody rips it off of your car... it spoils everything. It spoils the way the car looks. It spoils your mood. It spoils your bank balance (can you say "deductable?")

I was only in the hospital for 45 minutes. The poor woman was not well. They had yanked out her shoulder ... ball and socket both ... and put her in a new one. If that doesn't deserve a pastoral visit, nothing does. She was a little goofy with medication but I would be too if I were her.

When I walked out of the hospital it was laying on the asphalt parking lot. If cars could bleed this one would have. The electric green wing was cracked and upside down. The top of the trunk lid was cracked. There were scratches up each side of the rear quarter panel. When I went into the hospital 2 skate boarders complimented me on my shiny Mustang. I thanked them and moved along. Did they do this dastardly deed? I dunno. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the wind. I've never seen a squirrel with this kind of lifting power. No ... it had to be a "someone." Not a "something."

Well, since buying this gas powered smile machine I have been careful to point out to myself and to others ... it's just a thing. A hunk of steel and rubber. Ok, a cool hunk of steel and rubber, but still, just a hunk. I would like to thank my Alton Memorial Hospital vandalism bandits for proving me right. I did not ruin my week. (Yes, my day was a bit shaky... but not for long.) It has not changed my opinion of God nor has it altered the values He has given me. I slept just fine last night, thank you.

I can't help but think about the words Jesus spoke while He stood there on that hill preaching to the crowd. He told them, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

He was right, you know. I'm just a normal, everyday Christian. Nothing super-powered about me. If I can figure out the truth of His statement there is truly hope for ANYBODY. Billy Graham I ain't.

The car will get fixed and it will look cool again. But everytime I look in the rear-view mirror and see that spoiler on the trunk lid I'll remember ... it's just steel and rubber.

But do you think it would be ok if I ran over just one skate boarder?

Answer: Less than 7 months.

Question: How long does it take a newlywed female to turn from a bubble gum popper to a full fledged adult woman?

How do I know: My lovely daughter, Kelli ... wife of Mr. Joseph McGill ... confided in me this week that she now listens to AM talk radio.

Issues raised: Is this genetic? Is it hormonal? Is it cultural? Is it a desperate attempt to survive the hectic pace of adulthood? It is rush hour boredom?

Conclusions: None. But you have to admit ... it is hilarious.