Wednesday, September 02, 2009

SLAP '09

So it seems that this guy was walking through a Wal-Mart in Stone Mountain, Georgia when he happened across a 2 year old who was making noise. That's what 2 year olds do. They make noise. They also make snot, poop, and a general mess out of everything they touch. But noise is way high on the "things to make" list for 2 year old kids. Our friend didn't like the noise and so he warned the mom to shut the kid up or he would shut the kid up for her. Mom didn't get the job done. So the man slapped the kid 4 times. Then the kid really started screaming. Ya see, that's the other thing that is wrong with 2 year olds. There ISN'T a volume button. Still, this guy is deep in the aforementioned poop. I'm thinking he's seen his last Wal-Mart for a while. That's not an entirely bad thing for him.

But it all got me thinking. There are people I would like to slap the snot out of. If perchance I run across them strapped into a shopping cart at my local Wal-Mart I just might take a shot. It would be selfish of me to keep their identities to myself. And so, ladies and gentlemen, I present you with my "Most Slappable People" list as of 09-13-09. Pray you are not on it.

In no particular order ...

-Whitney Houston. She should have either quit singing after filming "The Body Guard" or she should have hung out with a higher class of husband.

-Shaq. He's 0 for 3 in "Shaq VS" having lost to everybody he's taken on. I think next week he has a "nursing contest" against the ob/gyn ward at Barnes Hospital.

-Ben & Jerry. They changed the name of their amazing "Chubby Hubby" to "Hubby Hubby" to celebrate the state of Vermont granting same sex marriage licenses. No more "Chunky Monkey" for me. I'm not boycotting. I'm just afraid they'll allow people to start marrying monkeys and I can't stand the thought of losing that banana goodness in the name of all that is politically correct.

-Miyuki Hatoyama. She's married to Japanese Prime Minister Elect, Yukio Hatoyama. She also says she was abducted by aliens, traveled to Venus on a UFO while asleep, and Knew Tom Cruise in a former life. Well, at least 2 out of 3 were potentially fun.

-Katie Voitek. She's my niece and she ISN'T coming to visit me this weekend with her parents. Excuses, excuses, Katie! NO VANILLA FOR YOU!

-Doctor ButtFeel. No explanation needed. Just follow the
link -----> Link

-The entire 2009 Chicago Cubs. For rolling over, dying, and ruining the perfect fall I had planned.

Consider yourselves all slapped.

There. I feel better already.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Stupid Picture Chronicles #40

Chocolate Covered Bacon. It's about time.

Monday, August 31, 2009

My brother-in-law's blog

My brother-in-law Jim has created the ultimate blog post. I can't beat it. So I'm simply posting it here for my little part of the world to enjoy. (Jim video blogs on Sunday's. His bride, Alisha, has been in the hospital for over a week, though she is home now. So that's enough explanation. Enjoy!)

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Stupid Picture Chronicles #39

There are just so many things wrong with this statement that I don't even know where to begin.

I love my sister-in-law's guts

I love my sister-in-law's guts. And here they are. Just a little snap shot the doctor took this week as she's been spending all day and all night in the hospital. Cool, huh?