I do not know why but I suddenly feel compelled to put to writing some things that I have been thinking for a while. Maybe they will mean nothing to you. That's ok. I need to see them in print. If they help you, great. If they do not, well, might I suggest you go to www.straightdope.com. It's fun. And it might teach you something. Probably not. But maybe.

Anyway ...

Have you ever felt so drained, so broken, so disillusioned, that you were not certain what to make of it all? Have you ever stopped to wonder if you are correct about all you believe or if maybe you have made some major mistakes? If you have not done these things or felt these ways, log off. You'll find nothing here that you need to read. However, if you have ...

The calling to a personal "undoing" is similar to a call to sack cloth and ashes. It is about brokenness and finding yourself destitute except for the presence of God alone. Nobody can walk it with you or understand what it is doing to you. It is you and God. It can be agony. It is far from enjoyable ... until the season is completed and then you will stand in wonder and amazement at "what God has wrought." Sara Groves sings a song about someday wanting to meet Job because she wants to know what he knows. Yeah. Me too. It seems to me that you don't really get to choose anything in these seasons. You cannot determine the depth to which you will descend, the degree to which you will resist, or the changes that God will make in you during the battle. All you can do is live today. How stark. How utterly barren the landscape. Books will call out to you demanding to be read so that you will understand more fully and quotes of those gone before will ring true in your heart. They will be a comfort but only in that they will remind you of the many who have traveled these paths before you. They cannot answer your deepest questions or tell you which forks in the road to take. Read them but do not hang on to them too tightly. Do not let them replace His Word. It seems God is only after one thing in these times. You. Naked and alone. You are "hungry to follow..." and that is good! I have found that the hunger never quite gets quenched. That is good too because it drives me to the next step ... the next level. When the hunger died ... as it did once ... I became very afraid. Yet even then God rescued me. He will do that. No matter where you find yourself or what you confront. Not matter what is taken from you. If the waters swamp your boat or the desert cracks beneath your feet you can count on Him to rescue you. You do not have to even have a conscious "wanting" Him to. He will do it anyway. Because He is in charge and He loves you that much. So let go of what ever railing you might be holding on to and let yourself sink into the hugeness of His love. And grace. And sheer raw power.

He wounds so that He might heal.

Grace over, under, around, and in you this day...