Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Why I ...

Shave - Because my chin looks like a 8 month old Christmas tree when I don't. Lot's bark with nothing growing on it.
Sleep - Because sometimes I get lucky and dream about playing for the Cubs. (I'm starting to think maybe they really never will call me up.)
Email - Because it's easier than talking on the phone and I can't go over on my minutes.
Read - Because I have a bottomless hole in my soul that I want to fill up with truth.
Write - Because I have to do something with the stuff that keeps leaking out of the bottomless hole in my soul.
Avoid my ipod lately - Because I'm psychotic and am afraid somebody is trying to get my attention and I won't hear them. (I told you ... I'm psychotic.)
Love the Cubs - Because they represent all that is right with loyalty, tradition, and ... my childhood. And they are the best team in baseball. I'm just sayin ...
Love cheese - Because it's either orange or it has holes in it and I love orange things and things with holes in them.
Am a Coke-a-holic - Because I love things that tingle, burn, and are opaque.
Hate my feet - Because my big toes don't bend. Really.
Love Katie Voitek - Because her brain is warped in the exact same way my brain is warped. (And because she tells me things about Bratwurst that makes me eat chicken.)
Miss "Rhonda the Motorcycle" - Because she set me free on back road Illinois.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Hail VS. Pizza. And the winner is ... PIZZA!

You ever see hail the size of your head? Me neither. But as Debbie and I left Chicago yesterday the clouds were building. We had time and so we chose the route through downtown Chicago. We crossed the skyway and entered Indiana. I punched our favorite pizza place into the GPS and found an "Aurelio's" in Muncie and we headed there. It was beginning to rain as we got back into the Trail Blazer and hit the toll road again.

Then it started. Like, REALLY started. First it rained. Then the clouds dropped. It was s-c-a-r-y. (Tip: When you are driving through a major storm do not ... NO NOT ... look in that little convex blind spot mirror you might have on your gas guzzling SUV. It would make a sunny day in Hawaii look tornadic.) Well, then the hail started. And it just kept coming and coming and coming. I mean, this wasn't just a hail storm. This was the mother-of-all hail storms. Traffic slowed to about 25 mph. I figure that was about how fast the storm was moving and we were both going in the same direction. So we drove through it and through it and through it. It took like ... an hour to get out of it. And the genius on the radio kept talking about the beautiful weather in Chicago. Well, we were about 25 minutes out of town and the only thing that was beautiful was my pizza pie.

Speaking of which, do you know how hard it is to drive with your knees through a major league hail storm? I'm here to tell you, it ain't easy. But I had the worlds best pizza and it had sausage and mushrooms on it. What was I to do? I did what you would do. I ate the pizza. If I'm going to die in a hail storm I'd prefer it would be while chewing a sweet sauced, greasy pizza.

Well, we didn't die. Debbie was looking out the side window as I drove and she said the ice appeared to range from moth ball sized to golf ball sized. It wasn't fun but the pizza helped.