It's physics. Plain and simple. It's like gravity. You can fight it but it wins. It always wins. There is this place deep inside of me that knew it all along. You cannot beat it. It is just going to be that way.

The Chicago Cubs can never, ever win the pennant. Ever. Not in my lifetime. Probably not in the remaining history of the planet.

5 outs. They were 5 outs from the World Series. It was not the Florida Marlins they were battling. It was ... physics. It wasn't an exuberant fan down the left field line that grabbed a playable ball. It wasn't a botched grounder to short. It was the laws of the universe. That poor guy could no more have grabbed that ball and turned a double plan than Niagra Falls could reverse it's flow. You cannot beat the laws of physics. I know. I tried. I begged. I pleaded. I wore every piece of Cubs clothing I own. I was abolutely layered. I went out into my backyard barefoot. I looked up through my trees at the stars God has planted in the sky. I asked him ... out loud ... "Please, Sir. Just once. Just this one time. Please." I went back inside to the horror of the 8th inning. And God said, "No."

It isn't the Cubs fault. They are a very good team. They deserve better. It isn't the city. It isn't the fans. It isn't the curse of a billy goat. It's just the law. I don't know why it is that way. It just is. The sun will come up tomorrow. The snow will eventually fall. The Grand Canyon will be there. The Cubs will weave back and forth season after season. They will sometimes come close. Maybe even closer than 5 outs. But they will never win it all. Never.

Do not gloat Cardinal fans. It isn't you. It isn't that you have a better team than we do. It isn't a battle of cities. It isn't even a battle of fans. You are just observing a phenomenon. It's much like the eclipse of the sun. It's just the way it is. When you beat us you can be happy. When we beat you we can be happy. But you can expect to win the big one. We can't.

It's physics.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY I AM WORRIED

1. The Cubs. 'Nuff said.
2. I have become addicted to Taco Bell's "Zesty Chicken Bowl" ... and now it occurs to me ...Zest is soap.
3. I start 2 weeks vacation at 4PM on Friday. Something is going to screw it up.
4. I'm craving a dog again.
5. They just told me that my broken wedding ring can be fixed but it won't stay that way because of ... chlorine. Nobody told me that you shouldn't wear gold in a hot-tub or pool. Now I have to choose a new ring. I'm not very good at that.
6. For the first time since June 2000 I have felt "normal" for an entire month. No dizzyness. No extreme fatigue. No disorientation. It can't last...
7. The St. Louis Bread Company keeps running out of Cinnamon Crunch Bagels before 6PM. They aren't taking this seriously enough.
8. I take more pill every day than Ashley Brown.
9. I got "dog bit for Jesus" in July and it still hasn't healed.
10. The Cubs. 'Nuff said.