God ... one step ahead of me. As usual.

Well, we are back on the great “blog express.” Debbie is behind the wheel as we tear down I-70 at p-r-e-c-i-s-e-l-y the speed limit. (Riiiiiight.) St. Louis is in the rear view mirror and Cleveland somewhere out in front of the windshield. It is such a good feeling to know that this separation from my wonderful bride might soon be drawing to a close. You know, I really do like her. Obviously I love her. But I really do like her too. I don’t mind sharing a one room apartment with her for a while. We’ll pretend it’s a hotel room and the maid’s are all on strike.

But that’s not the point. This is …

I was taking some time alone with God this morning. I was crashing in what our family calls “The Date Chair.” It’s big and soft and two people can pretty much fit in it. So I was curled up across it and talking to The Father. I was thinking about the events in our lives over the past few years that have brought us to this point. They don’t need rehashing. We have always had a close family. My kids love each other. Everybody approves greatly of those they have chosen to spend their lives with. We even love their in-laws. We have “adopted kids” like Jim and Alisha. How could it be better?

And then I had this thought.

“God, you know what I would do with the rest of my life if you would let me? Seriously? If I had unlimited resources I would build this huge house. It would be a rustic log cabin style on the outside. The inside would be “north woods” décor but still very modern. A lot of light. Tons of space. Every conceivable convenience and amenity. Enough room for everybody. And then I would invite my kids, their families, those close to them, their in-laws … everybody … and I would take them into my home and we would just live out our lives together. God, I know that is a really selfish thought. They have lives to live and would never want to do that. But if I could call the shots that is precisely what I would do."

The still soft voice of the Holy Spirit spoke. “I know. I totally understand. And that is exactly what I am doing.”

What?

“Remember, Ron? I’ve gone to prepare a place for you, that what I am there you may be also. I get it, Ron. I want all of my kids with me just like you want all of your kids with you. And I DO have unlimited resources. So I am building that house. That’s the way it all ends up. All of us. My family. The family of God, living together in unimaginable beauty and joy … forever. So don’t feel badly, Ron. You are just feeling what I have been feeling for eternity.”

And I think that for the first time in my life maybe I understand a little bit of the passion with which God loves me. And you. Us. His kids. His family. The ache I feel at knowing my kids are spread out from Chicago to St. Louis while Debbie and I take up residence in Cleveland is just like the ache that God feels. He wants His kids to come home. Home. Home.

I hope it’s almost ready.

And our second guest blogger is ...

A dear friend and former teen in my Bethalto youth group. You'll love her! Here's her wisdom for the day ...
*************************

Have you seen the All State commercial where the man with the deep voice says " You should treat people like they are in your home, not in your way" At first I thought wow what a profound statement. Who would think that an insurance company would be pulling at the moral heart strings of America's drivers? I wouldn't have. Especially not All State and for many reasons! Reason number one, when I moved into my first apartment the All State people some how got my number and called me RELENTLESSLY trying to get me to sign up for their coverage. I literally had to put the number in my cell phone as "Do Not Answer" so that when it rang I would know not to answer. It's still there because everyday I live in fear of them calling and me accidentally answering and then hanging up on them. I hate to do that but people who take those jobs have to know that's going to happen right? So that makes it ok in my book! They get paid whether or listen and say no or if I hang up. The second reason I am irritated by this statement is that I drive 40 minutes one way to work and then I drive around all day and turn around and drive 40 minutes back at the end of the day. I do this because I love my job not because I would invite the umpteen hundred people I see on the road ever day into my home. I think to myself as I drive and someone cuts me off I'd rather kick you out of your car then invite you into my home" Of course I would never say this and instead i just grab the wheel and pray to God to continue allowing me safe travel to work but I might throw in there that if that guy were to get a flat tire I wouldn't be at all disappointed! So to you All State Insurance.... stick with what you know, badgering people into buying your service. (even though you're really terrible at that too)

--
Suzy

Where have all the bloggers gone ...

I can almost hear "Peter, Paul and Mary" singing it now. "Where have all the bloggers gone? Long time passing. Where have all the bloggers gone? Long time ago. Where have all the bloggers gone? Writers turned chicken, most every one. When will we ever learn? When will we ever learn?"

I expected a huge influx of potential blogs to fill my void over the course of this week. To date I have received ... one. Thank God for Bella. It's not too late. Get those entries in! Let's go! This could be your road to fame and fortune! (Probably not ... but who knows?)

On the more important side of life, I do believe that God is doing something odd. He majors on odd. I came back to St. Louis to slay the "insurance dragon." That has not happened. But ... I may have found Debbie a job about 3 miles from our apartment that would provide not only a place for her to work BUT ... insurance after 120 days. How weird is that? I had to drive 550 miles to turn up a potential answer 3 miles away. Hey, I'm not looking to complain! I'll take whatever God sends and thank Him for it.

Your continued prayers about this stuff is really appreciated.

Later ...

And our first guest blogger...

Our first guest blogger is my "Almost Daughter In Law." It becomes official in October at Beaver Creek, Colorado. But for now she is just my dear friend. (You can find her own blog on my links to the left under "Laura.") Her name is "Laura" but she often goes by "Bella." Take it away, Bella...
************

(disclaimer) Ron is busy...and I was asked to blog/ramble in his absence.

Recently I was being reminded of how much I miss taking undergrad classes. This is mostly because I recently started taking MBA courses and it has proven itself worthy of the debt it will surely cause me. During the 4 years of my undergrad degree I had the opportunity to take a lot of classes that allowed to become extremely introspective and a little more self aware than I had ever thought was allowed...or definitely needed. In my Interpersonal Communications class I shocked the professor who had assigned that we read a book called Discovering Your Strengths. After I read the book and took the 40 page personality test, it was calculated that my number one strength was "woo".....which is one of the rarest number one strengths to be assigned. Basically it just means that I "woo" people in to liking me, talking to me, getting me things...giving me more than passing grades for less than passing effort.

Perhaps the best piece of introspection that I ever got from one of these classes (that didn't inspire me to convince some other poor soul to do something ridiculous for me...just for the sake of taking my new "woo" for a test drive) was the topic of values in my Ethics class. Oddly enough the class was taught by the campus lawyer. I never let him forget the irony in that.... The truly ironic part was that he was actually very good at teaching us on the truth behind ethics and values. One of the most dynamic (yet simplistic) things that came out of that semester for me was him saying "Values are not by definition the things that we believe or show priority....or the things that we say we believe or say we show priority.....they are the things that we SHOW we believe and we GIVE priority to".

For some reason or the other that truth for me had never really felt so tangible. I had a long list of things I had labeled as "my values". Church, school, family, friends....blah blah blah. The values that would make me seem most normal....most inconspicuous....least controversial. No one wants to realize that the thing they feel they prioritize more than anything in their life is their Tivo...or their sleep schedule....or their money. Everyone believes that because they love their family or friends or their church....that it automatically becomes a value..... But where is the action? What makes it true?

Who wants to be the first one to say...."yes I believe that my Christianity is something I base all of my values on....yet I spend most if not all of my money before I can tithe...I waste all of my time on 'life' before I read the Word or pray....and I don't plan on giving up the fight for MY will even after I ask God to show me His...". I never thought of "values" as being such an action word....not just a state of mind. It's like saying "I'm so grateful I have the full use of my legs..." and then never getting out of a wheelchair. It's incredibly handicapping.

This wasn't really shocking to anyone else in my class....but for some reason it really took me by surprise. My values are more than a list I write down during some boring lecture. They are what I do with my day. They are how I choose to talk to people. They are how I interpret and apply the Word of God. I hope and pray I never find myself in that proverbial (and metaphorical) wheelchair....that state of mind when you realize you are nothing less than a fake....unbeknownst to even yourself.

I hope my values are a testament to my list....and that the list is NOT a testament to my ignorance.

Gods love, the LORD's grace and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you...
Bella

Applications Being Accepted!

I have made the decision not to be stupid. Having arrived back in Bethalto about ... oh .... 20 minutes ago I have realized THERE AIN'T NO WAY THIS BODY WILL BE DRIVING ANY LONG DISTANCE TOMORROW! God is good but the road is loooooooong. And on the northern end it was very, very snow covered. And my head is spinning. And I think I'm going to throw up. And no, I'm not kidding.

So. Who wants to blog? I'm going to be doing my best to slay the "insurance dragon" while I'm here. That means my blogging ability will be minimal. So if you REALLY want to be a guest blogger here's your chance! Write your blogs (as many as ya want ... it's free, doncha know ...) and email them to me at www.churchaintforsissies@yahoo.com. If it's acceptable by my impeccable standards ... you're on! And if you submit please let me know if you want your name to be published. Otherwise you remain anonymous.

Oh, this oughta be fun ...

See ya in blogville!

Nascar 101

Tomorrow night there will be a meeting at my house in Bethalto concerning the all too difficult ... insurance. While thinking, praying, etc., I realized that this meeting is so potentially critical that I need to be there. (insert sigh here!) So I'm going to play the "Nascar Game" tomorrow. I'll be leaving Sheffield Lake early to arrive by meeting time at 5:00 PM. Then I'll be leaving Bethalto early on Wednesday in an attempt to be back in Sheffield Lake by church at 6:30 PM. Ya lose an hour going that way. (Insert an even heaver sigh here.) I just mention this in blog-ville because I would appreciate the prayer cover as I follow the white lines ...

Thanks. And pray for the insurance meeting too.

Anybody care to be a "guest blogger" in my spot for a couple of days? Applications being accepted...

The One Who Spits In My Sink Everyday

Yes, indeedy. This is about the most important person in my life. I've known her since I was about 17 years old. When I first saw her she was wearing blue jeans and a red top. She was so cute that I had to get to know her. At that initial moment she was sitting cross legged on the floor of her pastor's office. He was behind his desk. Her father was in a chair in front of the desk. It was a Saturday morning and they were getting ready to go on "bus ministry." That meant they were going to drive the church bus around the neighborhood and look for kids that wanted a ride to church the next morning. I suddenly took a keen interest in community outreach among children.

We wound up dating for four years and some months. When she was 19 and I was 22 I married her. Since that day she has been the one who spits in my sink every morning. I don't really pay much attention to this daily ritual. It is all a part of brushing your teeth. You put the paste on the brush, you scrub your teeth, you rinse your mouth, and you spit in the sink. Today we have been married for 11,010 days. That's a lot of spitting.

I know a lot about this woman. I know that she would rather eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich than to go out and eat alone. I know that she is much more concerned about the care of her family than she is about her own self. We have reproduced ourselves three times and so that is a lot of care-giving we are talking about. I have never seen her fail to give care when it was needed. Not one time. I know that from the time we share a good night kiss she will most likely be sound asleep within 2 minutes. I will never understand how she pulls it off but I promise you it is true. She falls asleep faster than I can turn over and turn out the light. I know that she is smarter than I am but she tries to convince me that she isn't. I know that I am a better driver than she is but she has never had a ticket or an accident and I have had both. Something is wrong there. Still, I hope the trend continues because I never want her to be involved in an accident. That is a nightmare I avoid thinking about. I know that HGTV is the only channel she needs. I know that she loves frilly girly stuff but often pretends that they are not important to her. That is because she is afraid I will spend money on her and she always sees something or someone as more worthy of the funds. I know that she loves it when I go behind her back and buy her something frilly anyway because it tells her how much I love her. I know that she makes friends quickly and once you are her friend she is fiercely protective of you. I know that watching her adult children interact with each other is one of the greatest joys of her life. I know that Elle Parker is another one. I know that her son-in-law and daughter's-in-law have been adopted by her heart as if they were her own flesh.

And perhaps best of all I know that she loves spitting in my sink everyday. Because it means we made it. There is a lot more spitting to do. And as long as it is in my sink I will continue to be the happiest man in the world.

Hey! That's my car! Hey! That's my wife!

So I was sitting on my luxury air mattress today doing a lot of nutten when my phone rang. It was my lovely wife calling to talk to me while she drove to Kelli's house on the other side of St. Louis. After a few minutes she muttered that there were cars stopped up ahead. Not good. Even worse was the fact that she was on a stretch of I-270 in Illinois between what is known as the "Canal Bridge" and the "Chain of Rocks Bridge." That's about 3 miles of exit-less territory. You are actually driving across a man made island just before crossing the Mississippi River.

Traffic stopped. I grabbed my laptop and surfed to a site that shows traffic conditions in the St. Louis area. She was in for a long wait. A car in the westbound lanes of her expressway, the lanes she was in, had managed to flip over while on the river bridge. (I'll never understand how you make a car do that.) Nary a car was moving. It was clear that this would take a while.

We were entertaining each other with typical husband/wife conversation when I noticed a link for "traffic cams." Hmmm. I clicked the link. It gave me options of dozens of camera's across St. Louis. Two got my attention. They were in the general area where she was stuck. I clicked the first link. A huge line of cars stood still facing Missouri. I clicked the other camera. Same result. I began asking her about her exact location. We talked about the trucks that were around her and what road signs might be nearby.

Today ... I saw my car and my wife three times stuck in a traffic jam in St. Louis. Once she even got out and waved at the camera. (Yes, the car was stopped at the time!) Unfortunately the camera kept turning and I didn't see her do it. But there is no doubt that it was her that I saw. One emerald green mustang with a khaki convertible top and two white semi's and an orange semi next to her. I saw her again at the next camera as she stopped next to the "Rest Area Ahead" sign.

It was almost as surreal as a cow with a "Virginia Tech" logo on it's forehead. But not quite.

Cow Tales Part 2 (The cows are coming for us)

Look, I don't make this stuff up. Some guy in Virginia has a cow with a unique marking on it's forehead. It's the logo of Virginia Tech. Yeah, really. He didn't put it there. It was born that way. Here's the NBC web site says about the bovine.

"The wife of one of the calf's owners was watching a Virginia Tech football game one day when she glanced over at the calf and saw the VT logo. She couldn't believe her eyes, according to Hayden. 'It's a feeling that other people who look at the calf for the first time can relate to. They think it was painted on. It's hard to believe it was there, actually grew there,' Hayden says"

For some reason this does not surprise me. Yesterday I wrote my first blog ever about a cow. They obviously monitor this web site. It only makes sense that the cows of the world would take advantage of the situation and make their move. I suggest that you keep an eye on the fields. Don't stand in front of the barn door. They are coming. The cows. They have smelled the fragrance of fame. They have tasted the grandeur of glory.

Beware the cows.

Cow Tales

There is a story posted by the AP tonight about a tornado that ruthlessly ripped through an Arkansas community last night. The not-so-amusing part is that a man was killed when his mobile home was blown into a tree. That is tragedy and I certainly mean no disrespect.

But then there is the cow.

Here is how the AP phrases it ... "Miraculously, the same tornado swept up a cow and carried it close to a mile. Its owner says the animal was uninjured. "

Hmm. For the first time in my life I find myself wondering what it feels like to be a cow. There is the whole "milk me" issue. I really don't even want to go there. Then there is the "eat grass" thing. Yeah, I'm a little curious about it but not curious enough to carry a plate of "Kentucky Blue Grass" up to my table and grab a fork. Then there is ... well, actually I don't think there is anything else. I'm not a farmer but my keen observational skills indicate that's about it.

Unless, of course, you go flying.

Do cows think? There clearly isn't much to think about. Milk and grass. Chew your cud. There ya go. And then all of a sudden you find yourself on a cloudy day, a little wind, kind of humid. But the calendar in the barn tells you it's January so you aren't too concerned. Besides, you are a cow. And before those thoughts even flash (okay, crawl) through your cow brain ... you are airborne. If cows CAN think ... this would probably be a good moment to do so. "Hey, there's the barn! And over there is Farmer Bob's house! Wow! Isn't that the highway? I'm over the highway! I'm across the highway! Woo Hoo!"

There is no point to this blog. None. You can go to bed now.

Stupid Picture Chronicles 17

I'm really not sure that this qualifies as a "stupid" picture. I'm not sure what it qualifies as. But somebody lost the front end off of their Mustang. As a Mustang owner myself ... I feel their pain. And, well, they must feel pretty stupid driving around without it. So yeah. Yeah. It fits as a "stupid" picture. Here is #17 for your enjoyment!

Stupid Picture Chronicles 16

Am I the only one that wonders what goes on behind this door? I asked but for some reason could not get a straight answer ...

Et Tu, Kelli?

Deep grief consumes my soul. My daughter … my only daughter … just announced on her blog that she is giving up soda (aka: pop.) Her reasons are immaterial. She has broken her father’s heart. No more father/daughter carbonation-fests. No more “accidental” belching contests.

True, she says it is for health reasons. For increased energy. (Give up caffeine for increased energy? That’s a one way ticket to coma-ville!) For weight loss. (She weighs like … 115 lbs in the rain if she’s wearing a backpack filled with 2 liter bottles of Mtn. Dew.) And don’t think for a nano-second that she’ll give the old heave-ho to Starbucks. Oh, no. I’m totally convinced that she’ll still down the chocolate (God bless you, Hershey.) So hopefully she’ll live. But life will never be the same.

And so I’m taking applications. I want to add a daughter to my family. She must be at least a teenager. I will consider 20-somethings. Married is no problem. You just have to be willing to remain caffeinated. No, I’m not dumping Kelli. Never. And she will still be my favorite daughter of all time. I’ve always told her that if God were to allow me to design my own daughter the result would look just like her. Nothing has changed. My design-o-daughter would still look exactly like Kelli … only caffeinated.

I must go buy Kleenex now. The tears will not stop flowing …

New Years Resolution - 2008 - Iron Clad Agreements With Myself

10- Less chocolate, less pizza, less Hostess Cup Cakes.
9 - I will work-out more. (I will work out a way around resolution #10)
8 - I will marry off my last child. Even if his fiance changes her mind. Even if HE changes his mind. He's getting married. End of story.
7 - I will not, not, NOT buy a dog. Or accept a dog. Or steal a dog. Or allow a dog to buy, accept, or steal me. I will pet other peoples dogs because I am tired of chasing my own dogs.
6 - I will listen to Debbie and avoid buying a large screen/medium screen hdtv. (disclaimer: Resolution #6 is only in effect when Debbie and I are in the same city. Otherwise Resolution #6 is open to interpretation.)
5 - I will become an official "Toledo Mud Hens" fan. (Definition of "Toledo Mud Hens Fan: One who attends no less than three (3) Toledo Mud Hens home games AND owns no fewer than three (3) team t-shirts and three (3) team ball caps.") This will satisfy the requirement that I cheer for an Ohio home team without compromising my allegiance to the "Chicago Cubs."
4 - I will allow my wife to move in with me.
3 - I will eat something with Elle that is completely new to her and I will not tell her mommy until it is too late. (OK, actually I have already done this multiple times but it is so much fun I'm promising to do it again. Oh, and don't tell her mommy. She doesn't know about the "Great Circus Peanut Experiment." I see no reason to bring it up now.)
2 - I will drive to my bank without having to use my GPS. (This may take until like ... October.)
AND MY #1 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION FOR 2008 ...
1 - I am going to make my church wonder if they have called a total idiot to be their pastor or a genuine genius! (This resolution has already been achieved with multiple individuals.)
A BONUS RESOLUTION - I am going to answer the question posed in resolution #1 in a way that leaves no doubt. But ... which will it be? Oh the tension of wondering!!!

Stupid Picture Chronicles 15

Piggly Wiggly, New Holstein, Wisconsin... you guys are a little late on this one. My kids have been doing this for decades.

Please Pray For My Friend...

I was a youth pastor for a long time. It was a great time of life. God blessed me by making me a tool. OK, I know that is not usually a compliment. But to be a tool in God's Hand ... what could be better? A tool for God.

Tools seldom work alone. I know that I did not. I had a network of youth pastor's and we walked together through ministry. We learned from each other. We encouraged each other. We laughed together. We cried together. More than once I sat with one who's wife had left him because she could not take the ministry thing anymore. There was just a lot ... a lot ... that we went through together.

One of these guys wrote a song. At least I think he wrote it. Nobody else would claim it. It was simply called, "The Booger Song." The lyrics? You know you want to know ...

"Sitting at the stop light with nothing to do
You're watching the light ... and I'm watching you
You look sophisticated in your fancy new clothes
And then your index finger disappears up your nose

And I say "Hey! You! You know who you are!
I saw you pick your nose when you were driving your car!
Don't try to deny it, you won't get very far!
I saw you pick your nose when you were driving your car!"

There's more but you get the idea. The guy who wrote that is named Ron too. As a matter-of-fact, my two closest youth pastor friends were named Ron. And so am I. Sometimes we would get together with our wives and if one of them called out to her husband ... chaos ensued.

I got a phone call from "The Booger Song" Ron tonight. I was doing a wedding rehearsal in Wisconsin and I couldn't hear him. So I tried to text message him. He responded with, "I am" and then another one with "I am in du" and nothing else. I didn't understand. About two hours later I was back in my hotel room and I checked my email. I had received an email from the wife of "The Booger Song" Ron. It seems that "d u" is "Duke University" ... as in hospital. My friend had a heart attack tonight. And he reached out to me from ICU on his cell phone and then through text messaging. And somehow I dropped the ball.

Do you know how much I hate that? I would drive to North Carolina for him tonight if he needed me. He's out there visiting friends and I guess things just went badly. His wife tells me that surgery went well and hopefully everything will be OK. They'll know more tomorrow.

But please pray for "The Booger Song" Ron. We've called ourselves "friends to the grave." I don't think he's in immediate danger but somehow I wish we had phrased that pledge differently. Ron's my friend. When I hurt he was there for me. When he hurt I tried to be there for him. The world needs more "Booger Song" Ron's. I wish wish WISH I had stopped whatever I was doing and called him back tonight. I remember thinking that he must be better at picking his nose than he is at text messaging.

But no. He was having a heart attack.

The little drummer girl

My grand daughter is cooler than your grand daughter!

Jesus ... crashing, kicking, plowing ... and waiting

You ever go anyplace you were not invited? Perhaps you "crashed" a party or invited yourself to a friends house when you knew the timing might not be the best. It's a strange feeling, isn't it? I remember intentionally going to the home of a person in a church I served once, knowing that he did not like me. As a matter-of-fact that is precisely why I went. No, I didn't want to confront anybody. I didn't go to sew seeds of discontent or to argue. On the contrary. I hoped ... I prayed ... that my "dropping by" might open the door for new opportunities. Healing. Reconciliation.

It did not work. True, we talked. We swapped a story or two. Still, no headway was made. No healing took place. By all appearances it was a wasted visit. I will never know for sure. All I know is that I tried. Sometimes trying is all you can do. There is no forcing friendship. No coercing companionship. Life does not work that way. Oh that it were so simple.

So it is Christmas Eve. Oh Holy Night. The night that Christ followers celebrate the coming of baby Jesus into a world over flowing with sin, evil, self righteousness, and a blatant rebellion against God. He was not invited. He received no request for a visit.

And yet He came anyway.

He could have come to tell us "how it is." You know. Twist the arms of several billion people. Force the issue. Insist on instant compliance with His plan.

That just isn't His way.

Still. It does not change the facts. "While we were yet sinners Christ died for us." He crashed the party. He kicked in the gate. He plowed the road. He totally opened the way for me ... for you ... to go from "self server" to "Christ follower." But even though the party is crashed, the gate is kicked, and the road is plowed the door knob remains firmly in one hand. Mine. And your door knob remains in yours. Everything on the other side of the hearts door is cleared. The path is ready. Only the door remains to be opened.

And only I can open mine. And only you can open yours.

As for me and my house ... we will serve the Lord. I deeply and sincerely hope that you will join us in that life giving endeavor.

Oh ... and Merry Christmas.

This is why I drive all of the way to St. Louis for Christmas...

Any questions?

I thought not...

Dying of thirst at the water's edge

Water. There isn't any. I turn the faucet on. Nothing. I flush the toilet. Nope. I twist the knob on the shower. Dry. It's been that way since 11:00AM, or so they tell me. Some water pipe in the building burst. I don't know. I didn't see it. I was at my office. All I know is that H20 is missing!

Oh, the oddities of life. That giant compendium of human knowledge known as "Wikipedia" tells me that this big body of water is right outside my door. (As if I haven't mentioned that enough on this blog.) But here are the staggering facts. It's the 10th largest lake on planet earth and the 4th largest by surface area covering 9,940 square miles. It is 241 miles long and, at its widest point, 57 miles wide. That's a lot of liquid, my friend.

And I can't get a drink of water to save my life.

So tell me this. I was FINE until I found out the water was off. Suddenly I'M DYING OF THIRST! My 'fridge has milk, grape juice, orange juice, ginger ale, diet Dr. Pepper (for Debbie's all-to-rare visits,) and a 12 pack of canned Coke. Not only that but by the side of my chair is a mug that holds 55 ounces of my favorite poison ... Coke with a little vanilla mixed in. It's full. AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I'M GOING TO CROAK IF I DON'T DRINK WATER! Oh, did I mention that I also have Hawaiian Punch? And everybody knows that's just red water.

Actually, the water came back on just a few minutes ago. It's ... brown. Or if you are into fashion, khaki. I have khaki water. Anybody care to do laundry? I thought not.

I find myself flashing back to 5:00PM. I stopped at a car wash, put in $3.00 in quarters, and hosed the salt off of my Trail Blazer. My SUV has had a looooong, cold drink. I wish I was a car.

On the up-side I purchased a card table and chairs today. Nearly doubled my furniture if you count each item separately. I'd make a lousy bachelor. Debbie agrees ... I hope.