Sunday, September 02, 2007

The View From The Web

Don't think I haven't been trying because I have. I am well aware that I have not blogged ... seriously written anything worth reading ... in a few weeks. It is not for having failed to sit in this place late at night pounding the keyboard. The simple truth is that life is becoming complicated and I'm limited on how much I can say about the "whys" and "wherefores." I am almost as limited on the "what I know's."

Did you read about the massive spider web found in Texas this week? If you missed it, here is what had to say...

"WILLS POINT, Texas — Entomologists are debating the origin and rarity of a sprawling spider web that blankets several trees, shrubs and the ground along a 200-yard stretch of trail in a North Texas park.

Officials at Lake Tawakoni State Park say the massive mosquito trap is a big attraction for some visitors, while others won't go anywhere near it.

"At first, it was so white it looked like fairyland," said Donna Garde, superintendent of the park about 45 miles east of Dallas. "Now it's filled with so many mosquitoes that it's turned a little brown. There are times you can literally hear the screech of millions of mosquitoes caught in those webs."

Spider experts say the web may have been constructed by social cobweb spiders, which work together, or could be the result of a mass dispersal in which the arachnids spin webs to spread out from one another."

I am trying to decide whether I feel like the spider or the mosquitoes.

This coming Friday I will be flying off to a far away city to meet with a pastor search committee, a finance committee, a staff, a real estate agent, and then speak to a local "neutral" church. If all goes well and we sense that God's Hand is in it then I will return in a couple of weeks to meet with the entire church, speak to them, and we'll decide whether or not it becomes official. (But not before I fly off to Dallas to perform the wedding of a precious friend and the daughter of one of my best buddies.) If it does ... I'll be leaving my bride, my home, my family, and pretty much everything except Bailey the Killer Beagle (because she already left me. She's a run-away.) I would be living there alone until the house here sells, etc., etc., etc. I don't mind the alone part. I mind the not knowing part. I want to be the spider. I want to chart the course. I want to weave the tapestry. I want to set the trap.

But I am not the spider. I am the mosquito. Let there be no doubt about it. I have been caught in God's web. I do not call the shots on any of this. The church sets up the details, and rightly so. God makes the decisions, and VERY rightly so. I simply do my best to follow His string and obey His directions. In the mean time my mind runs at about 120mph. What do I say to them when I speak? What points does God want me to make? How do I handle (insert any of about 50 things here.) And most importantly ... am I hearing God? Is my heart in tune with His? Is my spirit sensitive to the leading of His Spirit? These are difficult questions and if I mess them up ...

Well, I do not want to think about that.

I have never been to this city before. I do not know what it looks like from the air or from the ground. I can't tell you the name of the airport. I cannot tell you where a shopping mall is. I have no idea about the names of the local grocery stores. They have a baseball team, a football team, a basketball team and for all I know a water polo team. I do not know the name of the county the church is in. I only know the area code because they keep calling me (a fact that I am grateful for.) I know the time zone but it is not one I am used to.

I am the mosquito. I am caught in God's web. He wove it and flew me right into the heart of it. He has held me fast and I couldn't get away if I wanted to. Which I don't. I often find my head spinning as I examine the possibilities and probabilities. It is hard to explain. I seem to be a person that has developed a penchant for "forgetfulness" of late. Ask my wife. (No, don't!) Ask my former boss, Patti. Ask my kids. And it frustrates me to death. I do not know how to say it ... the phraseology fails me. But life has thrown so many curve balls my way over the last few years that I have almost lost track on what is worth paying attention to and what is not. And honestly, there are so many things that I thought were important five years ago that I realize now are a waste of time. I just tune them out. Unfortunately, I also tend to tune out the person talking about them. That causes pain and strained relationships. It also makes me feel quite stupid. But my brain is not cooperating. It keeps running ahead to the next problem .... the next issue. I spent four years living in constant "crises mode" and, while I have gotten rid of that original crisis, I have learned, regretfully, to replace one crisis with the next. And so I try to pay attention to so many things that I wind up being unsuccessful at paying attention to anything at all.

And then God brings a 200-foot spider web to my attention and I remember that I am merely the mosquito. But the analogy takes an odd twist here. God's web is one that you want to be caught in. You would be crazy to fly around it. It is in the web of God that you find peace, security, fulfillment, safety, and dozens of other positive attributes. I am grateful for His web. I just wish I could remember to stop struggling against it and let Him do His work in me.


Zookeeper said...

Best of luck with everything. It sounds like some major changes could be headed your way.