Friday, December 15, 2006

5 Reasons To Glue Your Ipod Headphones Into Your Ears

(The surgeon general is not here but I will take it upon myself to warn you that I feel crabby tonight. The following blog, specifically item #3, is not to be taken personally by anybody ... except one of you ... and you know who you are. Oh, and that last part was a joke too. Maybe.)

1 - Daytime television. Watch it and you will want to give yourself a lobotomy.
2 - Radio. Can ANYBODY play anything different for cryin out loud? And shouldn't "talk radio" really be named "Everything You Never Wanted To Talk About" radio?
3 - Cellphoneitis. Are there really 30 people a day who need to call me? If they SAW me they probably wouldn't say "hello" but give them a cell phone and I find myself on their "must call" list. It isn't like they have anything to say. They just want to talk. Aren't their medications for this?
4 - If you do not have a Beagle go and buy one immediately. I promise your ipod will become your best friend. Nothing barks like a beagle. If I were my neighbors I would have shot her (Bailey the Killer Beagle) by now.
5 - Weather and traffic reports. They both want to convince you that the end of civilization is near. Not only is the weather eventually going to kill you if you stay put but you can't run because somebody got depressed in "the depressed section" and committed "semi-icide" (aka: death by tractor trailer.)
6 - (A BONUS REASON) If you have ipod headphones in your ears you do not even have to have your ipod turned on. Heck, you do not even have to own an ipod. Just run the end of the headphones cord into your pocket and everyone will think you are tuned to tunes and they just might (emphasis on "might") leave you alone. If they do talk to you just go about your business as though you didn't hear a thing. I do this pretty much everyday. Actually, I am doing it right now. Sorry honey ... can't hear a thing ....


Anonymous said...

You really do have NOTHING to do, don't you.

God bless you for it.