I Wonder ... (Caution: the following article contains the answer for global warming)

Today nothing happened. Well, nothing of note. That means I have nothing to write about. Have you ever known that to stop me?

I wonder who put the big pickle sized jar at the end of my driveway last week. I wonder what is in it. It is clear and the label says "Dill Spears" which leads me to conclude that once upon a time it actually did hold pickles. Now it is about half full of a brown putrid liquid. I have not touched it. It just appeared there one morning. Coincidently three beer cans (crushed, not squashed) turned up on my front lawn the same day. I threw the beer cans away. But I ain't touching that bottle. Neither are my neighbors. It has just been sitting there for many days and many nights. At what point should I call the department of homeland security?

I wonder if Tom Cruise really is going to be the reincarnation of Jesus as good scientologists claim he (soon to be "He" is?) If he is I think there will be a line of people volunteering to be Judas.

I wonder what my dog thinks about. I know she thinks because she has spastic reactions to certain stimuli. Like people walking down my street. She concludes that they need to die at the end of her razor sharp Beagle fangs. And like when I say, "Milky Bones" she salivates and gets tremors. So what does she think about in moments like these when her chin is resting on my leg? Is she daydreaming? Is she thinking about quantum physics? Is she plotting her next escape? Is she wondering if Christopher will come home and watch the Simpson's with her? I wonder.

I wonder if our furnaces affect the alleged global warming we are experiencing. Why does no one ask this question? I understand the claims about automobile emissions and such. But what about the fact that we actually turn on these big coffin sized devices created for the sole purpose of pumping heat into the atmosphere. And you KNOW it sneaks out of your house. Of course it does. Otherwise it would only have to run once each winter and you would be all set. Same thing with ovens. Isn't that more suspect than car flatulence? How about we test a theory together. Saturday night at 10pm CDT let's all turn our air conditioners on high and open all of our doors and windows. Let them run until about, ohhhhh, 6am. Put fans up so that the cold air will blow outside. Can't you just see Sunday morning’s news programs? All of the anchor people announcing with breathless wonder that global warming just ... disappeared. Over night. It's just ... gone. Al Gore will sleep better that's for sure.

I wonder why churches feel compelled to compete and to be cool? They do you know. They might deny it but I was once behind the curtain. Every church wants to be the biggest in town. Every church wants to attract the young people. I have to be careful here because I've got a whale of a lot of youth ministry in my past. I know a church that put up a billboard on a local expressway with a picture of four TOTALLY looking cool early twenty-something’s on it. The wording says, "A Church For Today's Generation." Which generation is "Today's Generation?" Hello ... I'm alive. I don't think they mean me but here I am. "Yesterday's Generation" checked-out and left us for greener pastures. "Tomorrow's Generation" hasn't been born yet. If you are alive and breathing you are today's generation. So does this church mean that if I/we don't look like a cool twenty-something we should just keep driving? Maybe down the street somewhere you will find a church for "Today's Generation That Is Old Or Tired Or Ugly." I think that church is the one I would want to go to. And it most assuredly is the one I would want to pastor. (As a side note I have noticed that most tithers are old, ugly, tired or probably all three. That means without us the cool church of "Today's Generation" will be meeting in a field and carrying umbrella's to church soon. God help them if the tornado sirens go off.)

Ok, that will do it. I was just wondering.