Friday, June 08, 2007

My Shuttle Muddle

Ladies and gentlemen, your "Airport Customer Transportation Transition Specialist" ... is officially and permanently grounded. I know, I know. "How can this be?" you ask.

Simple. I flunked the drug test. No, not the illegal drug test. The legal drug test. You know, prescription medication. My fun times with adrenaline exhaustion requires that I take a particular medication that caused some unknown doctor that I never even got to meet to slap my wrist through his physician's assistant and say, "No, no! Bad driver!" It seems that they think I will inevitably fall asleep while piloting people through the city. Nevermind that I have not had a ticket since 1978. Doesn't matter that I have not been involved in an accident that was my fault since 1972. I am a danger to all serious travelers seeking to go the two miles from the airport to the rental parking lot. So what if I drove a youth group in vans the equivilent of three times around the globe without so much as a fender bender. Mother's ... lock up your children. The killer almost got loose in the short bus.

Yeah. I'm doubting it. I seldom fall asleep before 1AM as it is. Most of the drivers they currently have are clearly on drugs too. The back alley kind. But nevermind. My personal doctor told them and told them that they are wrong and that I'm "good to go." You know, "Give the guy the keys. Let him drive." But a nurse called me into a side room and told me that it wasn't really about doctor's. It's about lawyers. If I actually WERE involved in an accident the mean lawyers would search and find out the meds I'm on and then they would sue not only Enterprise but the doctor that cleared me to drive.

So congratulations are in order. I have managed to complete two careers in just six months and twelve days! This is cause for celebration!

And tomorrow ... I'm going to get a paper route. Then again, those bike's can be pretty tricky.

Your almost "Airport Customer Transportation Transition Specialitst" signing off ... for the last time!


Anonymous said...

The offer on the minivan still goes...