Why I Am Glad I Got Strep Throat

As a kid I was a marked man.  Every year... EVERY YEAR ... I had multiple bouts with the evil scourge called Strep Throat.  For me it was a right of passage.  If I hadn't had strep for a while it must not be winter yet.  The doctor kept threatening to take my tonsils out but, ever the weanie, I prayed him out of his lunatic ravings that would have put me under the knife.  (Today I'm 57 years old and I've still never had surgery.  Don't you tell me that prayer doesn't work!)  One year the bacteria was sweeping through our elementary school.  The administration announced that every student would be given a strep test.  I dutifully waited in line for my time to open up and say "AHHHHH!"  Most kids gagged when they jammed the Q-Tip down their throat.  I was use to it, frequently asking if they didn't want to recheck me, going a little deeper down my esophagus.  I tell you, I would have made a heck of a sword swallower.   The next day the intercom system screeched out the names of those who had the offending germ and should report to the office immediately.  You got it.  My name was called.  I nearly danced in to the principals office and reported, "You screwed up.  I don't have a sore throat!"  He glowered down from his perch behind his desk and reported, "You, Mr. Woods, are the one who started all of this mess.  YOU are the CARRIER!"



After I completed my anti-biotic drenched time off I came back to class far less cocky and far more humble.

And now about every 5 years or so I still get strep.  It's no fun.  I don't know about your version of strep my mine makes the walls appear to move (high fever), makes me feel like throwing up, mimics what it must be like to have a flame thrower turned loose on your throat, and actually, makes me less aware of what I'm saying and doing.  Yes, really.  I get a bit loopy.

This year I begrudgingly took my wife-mandated flu shot and lo and behold, I did not get sick.  Usually if I take a flu shot it's an iron clad promise that I will most certainly fall to some strain of the virus before spring.  This year has been perfect.  PERFECT.  I was congratulating myself.  Patting myself on the back.  It's nice to win one.

BOOM.

Tuesday morning happened.  I woke up with a scratchy throat.  It grabbed my attention because my daughter Kelli and her husband Joe were both in a life and death struggle with confirmed strep.  (Okay, that was probably a bit sensationalistic.  But they were sick.)  I was actually on the road driving to Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital to visit a very ill new born when the battle in my brain started.  (You really shouldn't go.  You might be sick.  This could be the onset of strep.  Oh, stop it.  Don't be a weenie.  It's just sinus drainage.  You just want a free day off.  Wait just a second, bub.  For you this is just a big "maybe I'm getting a bug."  For this child ... it's life and death.)  I listened to that last voice, turned around, and went home.  I called the child's dad and he was greatly pleased that I was not risking his sons life with my bacteria coated messiah complex.  So.  I sat on the couch.  All day.  ALL DAY.  It didn't seem like a biggie until about 7PM.  And then OH-MY-GOSH.  My body just quit functioning.  I was trying to keep up with phone calls concerning one of my deacon's who had been rushed to the hospital with a heart attack but I wasn't thinking straight.  By 9PM I was in bed and not at all sleepy.  The rest of the night was a thick memory of blanket on/blanket off/shaking hard enough to mix a gallon of paint/sweat soaked pillow cases/Sprite/where's that sweat shirt/I think it's time for meds/hey the sun is coming up/i didn't die/I DIDN'T DIE!  (Thanks, Joe, for reminding me that strep throat is not just cause for euthanasia.)

And now here I sit.  It's noon on day two.  My strep events generally take 4 to 5 days.  My brain is semi-working again so maybe this will be an abbreviated version.  But as I talked to God this morning something floated to the top of my crusty brain....

I felt so good all winter.  I've taken 2 trips and all have been great.  Not even a head ache.  And, to my shame, I had barely even noticed.   As I sit here my back is reminding my front how lucky it is not to have an aching spine.  My head is better but it's still sloshy enough to be dangerous if it had to address a crowd. I have to really concentrate on my phone conversations and I still find myself saying things that just aren't pertinent to the subject.  My ears sound like that noise you are left with as you reach cruising altitude on a jet.  All "whistley."  (I claim copyright on the word "whistley!")  So I'm still wonky.  But this is a GOOD thing!  Because as I come out of it I will work to make certain that the predominate condition of my heart will be thankfulness for an *almost* perfect winter.  And I never would have done that had I stayed well.

Lord, you make the rain to fall on the just and the unjust alike.  You cause famine and drought as it pleases you, and yes, God fearing farmers sometimes go bankrupt.  All good gifts come down from our Father above.  And so I accept this little battle with Strep Throat as being from you.  Thank you for giving it to me.  I will learn from it.  And right now I will say "thank you, Father."  Thank you for every day of health and strength you have (and will) give me.  YOU are the best!

Chips, Spam, and Jesus

I have an emergency supply of potato chips and Chili Cheese Fritos in my desk. The mini-one size-serving-bags have been tucked safely away for several months.  No worries.  They have a shelf life similar to that of radium.  And they are nearly as dangerous.  They will not nuke your system but they will certainly corrode your internal power plant.  Still, I keep them around for desperate moments.  I have not opened even one bag so far.  I have been satisfied to take them from the drawer and stroke their plasticized packaging.  Each bag contains a one ounce serving.  Each ounce contains ten grams of fat.  One ounce.  Ten grams.  I'm playing with fire.  There use to be a drawer reserved for Twinkies and Hostess Cup Cakes but ... well...

Seems like there are a lot of things we hold in reserve for an emergency.  We don't use credit cards when we can avoid it at our house but there is always an empty one available "just in case."  (Don't tell Dave Ramsey.)  We do not stockpile food but I suspect we could survive a couple of weeks on the canned goods and frozen items that have been tucked away since we got married back in '77.  Honestly, some of this is stuff we will never eat unless there is an emergency.  Come on over.  We'll have roasted Spam with a bowl of Cream of Shoe Lace soup.  Yummy.  I avoid digging to the bottom of the food pile.  We lost track of a hamster back when the kids were small.  I've always wondered... never mind.  We have enough blankets and "throws" to supply a Red Cross relief shelter.  You get the idea.  We are not planning for the apocalypse.  But if it comes we won't have a line drawn through our names in the first week.

And then there is God. Yes, God.  I was having some much needed time alone with Him shortly after this new year kicked-off.  I love sitting in my home office, quieting my spinning mind, opening my Bible, listening to some quiet worshipful music, and inviting Him to come and sit with me.  Often times He takes me up on my offer.  We might just sit silently ... enjoying the moment.  Occasionally He speaks clearly (though inaudibly.)  I love those moments.  What could be better than knowing the Living God is speaking into your heart?  When He speaks it is always good news.  Even when He is correcting you.  To hear God speak means there is hope!  To realize that in all of creation He has singled you out to sit and engage in conversation with ... it just does not get much better than that.  It was such an energizing moment.  Positively transforming.  And it made me wonder ... why do I sometimes keep God on the back burner?  Why don't I give Him the best moments of my day every day?  Could it be that I fall into the trap of making God my fail-safe?  You know what I mean.  "If everything else fails, at least God will be there."  I do not do that on purpose.  But that does not mean that I do not do it.

I do.

And so I am going to stop.  God is not the Red Cross.  He does not just rush in when we have a moment of crises, working to get our lives back up and running until He has us stabilized and then retreat back to fund raising in preparation for our next major cataclysmic event.  What a horrible way to short-change God!  He is the lover of our souls.  The joy of our hearts.  The originator of our first breath.  The giver of second chances.  And third chances.  And fourth chances.  And one millionth chances.  He is our sanity.  Our balance.  Our reason to get up and face the world.  He is ... God.

If I do nothing else worthwhile in 2013 I will love God with all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength.  I will dance as He sings over me (Zephaniah 3: 17.)  I will shed tears of joy as He writes my name on the Palm of His Hand (Isaiah 49: 16.)

God.  If I have kept you hidden in the drawers of my life like a bag of potato chips or unwanted Spam, please, please, please, forgive me.  Come into the light, take my hand, and lead me into moments of unspeakable wonder and joy as we spend this year together.  This life I live was created by you and you are welcome to take it and mold it in any way that pleases you.  And you do not need to ask me first.  Yes, you are the potter.  I am the clay.

It's amazing what you can learn from a bag of chips.

Handcuffed To God

In 2013 I resolve to ...

In 2013 I resolve to ...

Ahem.

In this new year I promise I will ...

Nuttin.  I got nuttin.

I would love to tell you that I lived such a effortlessly clean life in 2012 that I simply have no need to make any changes.  No improved diet.  No trimming of a few pounds.  No additional work-outs at the gym.  (You don't even believe I go to a gym, do you?  Go ahead.  Call them and check.  618-623-9047.  My membership is under the name "Dough Boy.")  As shocked as you may be the truth is there might be an area or two that I need to tweak.  Just minor stuff, you understand.

I serve on this committee for the Illinois Baptist State Association.  It is called the "Credentials Committee."  We interview new churches wishing to join our little church co-op and make sure they believe what we believe, are willing to contribute to the causes we contribute to, and are just generally nice guys that love God.  I have only been on it for one year of a three year term.  At the end of last years meetings we had to elect new officers.  I sat quietly at the little corner seat that I try to occupy at all of our meetings.  I cast my vote.  Luke would clearly be chairman again (you can be chairman for two years.) The poor soul elected as vice-chairman would almost certainly serve as chairman the following year.  The votes were counted and the results were announced.  I would be the vice-chairman for 2013.

Huh. What just happened?  I don't know anybody on this committee and they don't know me.  What's the deal?  I mentioned that to one person in passing as we were wrapping up and preparing to leave.  She told me it was "The Wisdom Factor."  Yeah, nice try.  I am a virtual stranger to these people.  We had 5 meetings so we had met 5 times.  The Wisdom Factor cannot come into play here.  She looked at me kindly.  Or perhaps condescendingly.  I have trouble telling the two apart.  "Well, you could also call it "The Gray Hair Factor."  You are older than the rest of us and you have gray hair and that makes you look wise.  So we elected you."

Boy are they in for a surprise. While I may not be as dumb as the proverbial "box of rocks" I would hesitate greatly to assign the word "wise" to my mental acuity.  I say dumb things.  (Ask my kids.  Ask my deacons.  Ask my wife.)  I do dumb things.  (In 2007 I lost my car in Cleveland.  In 2006 I couldn't get my Christmas tree to stand up so I stapled it to the wall.  In 2005 I couldn't balance my checkbook so I closed my account and moved to a different bank.  I am not giving you anything more recent than that.  It's all too fresh. Too painful.)

All of this points to one unvarnished truth.  I could come up with a LOT of new years resolutions.  Problem is, I've done it before.  It did not work for me.  So here is what I am doing in 2013.  I am working on a list of things I will pray for throughout the next 12 months.  I will pray and then I will listen.  And then I will do what I'm told.  You see what that does?  It divides the responsibility.  It's on God to decide what I need to do and to tell me.  It's on me to simply obey God.  50/50.  I am intentionally handcuffing myself to a winner.  God.  I have to pray and obey.  He has to inform and empower.  That is such a great improvement over my old method of coming up with things to change and then making them happen.  I'm lousy at that.  But listening and obeying?  I can do that.  So can you.

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him.  Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit."
Romans 15: 13 (NLT)

Jesus Glasses

"Can't see worth a darn."  I am pretty certain that's what it says on my personal chart at the eye doctor's office.  So I sport these not-so-cool-but-totally-necessary things that wrap around three-quarters of my head and drape across my eyeballs.  They are called "glasses."  When I put them on the world clears up.  These glasses are even more special than typical generic glasses.  They have a vertical line across them.  We call these "bi-focal's."  You have probably heard of them.  You might even have your own pair.  If you look above the line the world comes into focus.  If you look below the line the printed page comes into focus.  Now these have been around almost as long as the Cubs have been losing.  I even have a seriously shaded wrap-around pair for outside activities.  They save my life every time I slip behind the steering wheel.  (Don't laugh.  I'm sharing your highways.)  What my world looks like depends upon the glasses I am wearing.  The proper glasses brings the world into focus in a way that helps me to see reality.  No glasses at all and I just might think that ten-ton-truck cresting the hill ... you know, the truck I'm about to pull out in front of ... is farther away than he actually is.  That would be bad.  Or on a Sunday morning when I'm speaking from an elevated stage I might not realize how close the first step is and, well, it gets ugly from there.  In order to deal appropriately with the real world it is important that I am looking at it through the correct lenses.

That makes sense.  Right?  Nobody would seriously doubt that.  Here is the point.  (You knew there was one, didn't you...)

Last Friday I was enjoying a day off while writing a sermon in my home office.  (Note the irony.)  After a while I pushed back from the desk,  picked-up the remote, and turned the television on.  I found myself staring at a town I had never heard of, Newtown, Connecticut, and listening to a reporter tell a story I could scarcely believe.  You have heard it repeated a thousand times by now.  Twenty children dead.  Teachers dead.  A dead mother.  A dead shooter.  Like you, I spent the day rotating between broken, angry, confused, and a dozen or so other emotions.  And, like you, I'm still somewhat stuck in that rotation.

This morning I found myself at my real office at my real desk.  It is nearing Christmas which is nearing New Years which is pretty much the #1 reflective time in our lives.  My mind was drawn to those twenty kids and to the people that I have known in my personal life who have left me this year.  It seems that 2012 was a busy year for death.   Ashley is still floating around the top of my brain and I don't see any sign that those who knew her are going to get over her any time soon.  That's alright because it was Ashley who reminded me that maybe this is all about glasses too.  I hate leukemia.  I lost three ... count 'em THREE ... friends to that demonic disease this year.  And I'm hacked-off at it.  I'm broken, crushed, confused, angry ... all of those things I feel about the events of Newtown I also feel about losing my friends.  But here's the thing.  When it comes to the loss of my friends I put my glasses on.  I look at their departure through the lenses of scripture.  Or, if you prefer, through the lenses of Jesus.  Here is what those glasses brings into focus for me.  "Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints."  Psalm 116: 15.  Or maybe you prefer it the way the New Living Translations says it, "The LORD cares deeply when his loved ones die."

God cares.  He does.  I could take more of your time (and I will if you want me to) and bring more truth into focus through the glasses of scripture.  Instead let me just summarize it all for you.  When you look at reality through the lenses of Jesus Christ you come to understand that God cares.  He cares so much that He acted.  He sent Jesus so that our separation caused by death would be temporary and not permanent.  Say that word.  "Temporary."  Roll it around on your tongue and then spit it out of your mouth in the direction of the nearest tombstone.  God makes it clear that those who die "in Christ" go home.  There is another really good word.  Home.  He tells us that home is much preferable to here.  Heaven (home) is better than earth.  Home is where our Father is.  It is the safe place where we all meet up after the battle of life on this fallen planet.  What happened last week in Newtown is beastly.  Evil at its worst.  Sadly the world has always had a penchant for sacrificing its children.  How many of the Jews killed in the holocaust were children?  How many were killed in the Rwandan genocide?  You do not want to know.  And it should make us furious.  It should also make us run for our glasses.  Our scripture glasses.  And then we will see reality more deeply than ever before.  We will see Jesus himself gently say, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children."

We will never remove all evil from the earth.  That is God's job and He will most assuredly get it done.  But we can make great headway when we decide once again to take the children to Jesus.  I do  not believe it is over simplistic to say that taking away violent video games, guns, porn, and all of the things that bring pain and perversion to young lives will become elementary once we decide as a culture ... not one school at a time but one home at a time ... to teach them about Christ.

Put your glasses on friends.  You do not want to view this world without Jesus.

Reindeer Tongues and Speeding Strollers

They came.  They saw.  They conquered.  This time of the year (Okay, any time of the year) much of my attention is scarfed up by three wee little ones that I call "rug rats."  Or, more properly, grandkids.  They put the light in the sun and the fizz in my drink.  They can show up after a wedding or a funeral and every thought is put on hold as they become the centerpiece of my brain.

Honestly, that surprises me.  It's a poorly kept secret that I preferred to never have children.  By logical assumption I never wanted grandkids either.  That is because I did not have the slightest understanding of how God arranges life.  He builds it into our DNA to live life for those who come after us.  That is what keeps me from throwing my gum wrappers out the window of my car, and causes me to think twice before doing my best to wreck the environment.  Were it not for the generations coming after me I would be the #1 environmental assassin.  I would kick cans into the Grand Canyon and throw laundry detergent into the river above Niagara Falls.  I do love me some bubbles.

 

And then these three come along and ruin my fun.  The Amazing Elle.  The Precious Paisley.  The Joyful Judah.  I didn't apply for them.  I didn't win a contest.  I simply ... lived.  I reproduced myself (grant it, with the help of my wife who "claims" to have known all along how awesome kids are.  I have my doubts.)  Eventually my kids began reproducing themselves.  And now here we are, the last to get seated at restaurants because there are so many of us.  And I freakishly don't mind waiting.

Last weekend we took all three to see (and feed) live reindeer.  This is much more fun than taking them to see (and feed) dead reindeer.  So we went.  The verdict was mixed.  They loved feeding them crackers but they were not so hot on feeding them oats.  Nor was I.  The reindeer expected you to pour the oats into your hand and they would then lick them from your palm.

Eeeew.

I think I understand why Jesus loved little kids so much.  They just are who they are.  No pretense.  You love them for who they are ... or you don't.  And Jesus did.  Their laughter is infectious.  Last night I was pushing Paisley around the second floor of the Galleria in her stroller.  I wasn't just pushing her.  She was the race car and I was the engine.  I spied a stair case leading to the first floor.  I aimed at it and off we went.  Full speed ahead.  Fear brought her half way out of her seat just as I stopped ... her two front wheels dangling over the first step.  She looked back over the handles at me and I could tell what she was thinking.  "Please God.  Just get me back to mom.  This guys nuts."  I tempered my actions a bit.  When a three year old thinks you are immature ... well.  Yet just minutes later we were walking the length of the mall to go to our cars.  Paisley looked up and me and said, "Let's race!"  So off we went.  We dodged in and out of surprised shoppers and around kiosks.  That's when I noticed Pais looking up at me over the handle again.  "The STAIRS, grandpa!  The STAIRS!" 

I love these kids.  The three of them think like I do.  And I don't care what you say ... that's a "win" for me.

And somehow I think Jesus sports a great big smile when He leads us on a scary mission.  He sees our eyes grow big and knows that we are thinking, "Please just get me to heaven safely.  This guy is crazy!"  And then I suppose there is a God-sized belly laugh when He hears us later on praying, "Father, I never felt more alive than I did when you were using me.  Scared.  But ALIVE.  Let's do it again!"

Jesus loves it when the kids come over.  Maybe He's waiting for you to drop by?  Perhaps it has been a while?  Why not spend a few minutes with Him today.  See what He's got in mind for your life.  It's a ride you won't regret.  Just remember ... you have to put up with oats and speeding strollers ...

I cannot...

I cannot hit a major league fastball out of any park in the country.
But I can love the people in the seats around me.

I cannot write an award winning novel.
But I can immerse myself in the beauty of the written word.

I cannot sing a recognizable note of music.
But I can close my eyes and drift through the endless melodies.

I cannot speak to untold thousands and teach them God's truths.
But I can go next door and tell my neighbor.

I cannot fix all that is broken in our world of pain.
But I can give a cup of cold water to "the least of these" and feed a hungry child.

I cannot keep winter from coming.
But I can put a coat on a child that does not have one.

I cannot erase one traffic jam.
But I can allow the man in the disappearing lane to enter mine.

I cannot cure a disease.
But I can pray with someone who is hurting and sick.

I cannot destroy hate.
But I can live love.

"Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God's law.  This is all the more urgent, for you know how late it is; time is running out.  Wake up, for our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.  The night is almost gone, the day of salvation will soon be here.  So remove your dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armor of right living.  Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see.  Don't participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy.  Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ.  And don't let yourself think about was to indulge your evil desires." 
Romans 13: 10-14

Good Grief ... Getting Through It

I'm the pastor and I'm pretty sure it's there in the pastor handbook that I should never say something like what I'm about to say.  (Hey.  Wait.  I never got my handbook.  I NEVER GOT MY HANDBOOK!!!)  I'm fairly certain I'm suppose to be beyond this kind of thing.   But let's just get real for a second.

This week has just kicked the crap out of me.

Debbie and I returned from a wonderful, albeit brief, vacation last week.  We celebrated our wedding anniversary where we had honeymooned.  It was barbecue, fresh mountain streams, minor league hiking, awe inspiring views, and the wonder of a long lasting romance.  All laughter and joy.  We came home in time for Thanksgiving with the fam.  Loved every minute of it.  Then ... Well, then it all fell apart.  A precious friend and from our church passed away at a seasoned 88 years old.  Then the horrible news came that Ashley had been summoned to Jesus side.  We said goodbye to Mike and Lori, my Associate Pastor and his wife, as they left us to serve in another church.  We both got bombed by some stomach virus from hell.  Then came Juanita's visitation.  Her funeral was the following morning.  Then Ashley's visitation and funeral the morning after that.  The stomach bug held on like Brian Urlacher attacking a Green Bay quarterback.

Today is Friday.  I'm off work and I found myself staring at the TV screen for nearly an hour.  Nothing odd about that.  Except that I haven't turned the TV on all day.

And I wonder ... what do you do when life sucker-punches you?  Bunches of us are reeling this week from losing Ashley.  I drove to the cemetery alone late yesterday afternoon.  I found a mound of earth covered by fresh sod and a  pile of weathered flowers.  I did not find Ashley.  That little lady is the cornerstone of the pain.  The pain coup 'de grace. She's the mountain and the other events of the week are the foothills.

How do you get through it?  How do you take the pleasantries and platitudes we speak about her life and death and turn them into a cohesive plan to get through the grief?  I admit that I'm still putting the plan into effect myself.  I've not nearly finished.  But here are the only things I am aware of that actually work.

First, you own up to reality.  This might be more difficult than you think.  We all  like to say sweet things to help each other painful moments.  Unfortunately, some of the things we say sound great but are just not true.  Ashley is not an angel looking down and watching over us all.  That's nowhere to be found in the bible.  She is much more than that.  She is a saint of God that He purchased with His own blood.  No angel can make that claim.  Don't short change Ashley by calling her an angel.  The bible says, "Do you not know that we will judge the angels?"  (I Corinthians 6: 3)  Ashley is ABOVE the angels.  That's pretty cool any way you look at it.  Also, it really does not help to "send warm thoughts and good vibration's" to others who are hurting.  I mean, how do you do that?  How do you send a thought?  How do you package up a vibration and send it?  Again, that sounds good.  Surely the intentions are good.  But get real.  This is the time to pray for each other.  It is appropriate to talk to God and ask Him to help those who are hurting.  That is prayer.  Do you want to help?  Voicing prayers works because you are talking to God.  Sending thoughts simply makes you feel warm and fuzzy.  And I think right now we need the real touch of God.

Second, grieve.  Grieve real and grieve hard.  If you need to, go ahead and kick and spit and cuss.  You can tell God what you think.  He has big shoulders.  Now, I do my best to be very respectful when I pray.  I mean, He IS God, after all.  But don't chicken out of telling Him what you really think and feel.  Guess what ... He already knows.  Once you tell Him about it maybe He'll hug you.  Maybe He'll say, "Yeah, I know.  I hate death too.  That's why I'm killing it."  (I Corinthians 15: 2, "And the last enemy to be destroyed is death.")  It's great to know God hates the same thing you hate.

Finally, put all your marbles into one basket.  You already know what I'm going to say by now.  (Hey, I warned you.  I'm "the preacher.")  The basket that works ... the ONLY basket that works ... is God's basket.  Tell Him that you need help getting through this.  Ask Him to walk you through the pain and the grief.  Ask Him to put people in your path that understand.  Find a friend, a counselor, or a pastor and dump on them.  They probably already have kleenex around so you'll be fine.  But friend, if you bottle this up it will eventually wreck you.  I've been wrecked a few times.  I've got the scars.  I managed through my stubborn stupidity to damage myself physically in ways that will not heal.  Living stupid does that.  Maybe your stupid involves a bottle or a pill or an out-of-hand party.  Those things do not work.  Walk away from them.  They leave their own brand of scars. And you need to trust me about the scars. You do not want them.

I believe if Ashley were writing this blog she might end it with more than her classic humor and twisted teasing.  I believe her love for her family and friends would cause her to say something from the heart.  Something of substance.  I believe Ashley would say that she is supremely happy and joyful today because she put her faith and trust in Jesus Christ.  I believe she would want you to do the same.  And I believe she would speak the words found in Psalm 130: 5 ... "I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on Him. I have put my hope in His Word."

You see, we did not really "lose" Ashley.  How can you say something is lost when you know where it is?  And we know where Ashley is.  "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." (2 Corinthians 5: 8)

The Ashley Dilemma

Like many people this week I have been struggling with what I have come to call "The Ashley Dilemma."  Why would God ... whose very essence is Love ... allow a young woman of incredible beauty, strength, popularity, influence, and intelligence to suffer the ravages of Leukemia three times, defeat it three times, only to succumb to a virtual side-effect of her bone marrow transplant?  Where is the logic in that?  How can that possibly make sense?

My faith in God, my belief in God, remains unshaken.  I have known Him too long and walked with Him too far to believe at this increasingly advancing age that He sometimes decides to do us dirty.  Nope.  Doesn't happen.  There has to be another answer.

To say that Ashley was unique is probably an exaggeration.  I believe there are other Ashley's out there right now.  They are loving, serving, giving, and caring.  They are imperfect, blemished and flawed.  But I would not short change the current generation of young women by saying that they do not exist and that when our Ashley left the planet her uniqueness left as well.

But that is beside the point.  And the point is ... what is God thinking?

I knew many great Ashley stories going into this last week.  I lived some of them out with her.  I heard a great many more stories during our moments of grieving.  My favorite one was unknown to me until I heard it first from her parents and then from another young woman at yesterdays funeral.  It seems that when Ashley was a freshmen in high school she was preparing to attend "homecoming."  That is a very big deal at Civic Memorial High School.  Ashley had a friend who seemed to be everything Ashley was not.  She was not popular.  Not well dressed.  Not able to afford to attend Homecoming.  And all of that was not acceptable to Ashley.  And so, very quietly, with absolutely no fan fare, Ashley paid for her to have a new dress with her own money.  She dressed her up, helped her with all of the details, and invited her to attend with her.  And so off they went.  This unlikely duo attending homecoming surrounded by very popular ... and probably very confused ... teenagers.  Ashley became not only her friend, but her advocate.  When a party was given, the girl was invited or Ashley refused to attend either.  Are you getting a picture of what kind of person Ashley was?  She was not perfect.  But ... well ... she loved.  And that's just pretty rare these days.

I've spent many hours this week praying.  Prodding God really.  Asking.  Wondering.  I usually did it with a strong case of nausea and a spinning head.  I did it during the sleepless nights and the tossing and turning and sweating and telling God over and over again what He should have done and how maybe this one time He should have checked with me first.  I do not know where the bug that I was battling ended and the pure stress of fulfilling Ashley's fathers request that I be Ashley's voice at the funeral service began.  It doesn't much matter.   Pardon my earthiness but puke is puke.  Finally, late last night, after all of the memorials were finished, the remains of my friend were buried, and my house was quiet and dark, and sleep was still not coming, God whispered.

God did not allow Ashley to suffer even though she was special.  Ashley was special because God allowed her to suffer.

Her pain taught her that life was not about her.  Her desperation taught her that she had to rely on one bigger than herself.  Feeling helpless and hopeless taught her to care for others that feel helpless and hopeless.  Wondering if her life was going to end early taught her to love others who maybe wished their lives would end early.  And I believe in the middle of all of that, in those very early teenage years, Ashley ran head first into the Christ who had suffered as well.  His suffering resonated with hers.  And she fell in love with Jesus in a way that did not prompt her to pursue a perfect Sunday School attendance record.  She did not separate herself from those lost in the battles of earth by sequestering herself in the faux holy halls of self-righteousness.  No, she got down and dirty with them.  Just like Jesus did.  Ashley could have gotten bitter.  Instead she chose to get better.  Her battles made her the phenomenal woman that she was. 

And she changed her corner of the world.

I will miss you, Ms. Brown.  We got separated a bit there at the end.  I went to Cleveland and you went to Murray State.  We didn't talk much until you entered the world of pain again.  But thank you for teaching this old guy some things.  Thank you for being real, and earthy, and oh so much like Jesus.  One of the last text messages you sent me said, "Ohh, thanks Ron.  :) I really appreciate it! I'm glad you're not super embarrassed for me.  But ya know, I have a little more anger I have to deal with these days and so I have to vent somewhere!  But thank you for all of your prayers ... It's getting closer and closer to the end of the treatment!"  The anger is gone, Ashley.  Yours.  Mine.  I hope your parents and your brother's too.  And yes, you were closer to the end of those treatments than any of us realized.  Enjoy heaven, my friend.  Don't booby trap my room before I get there.  Because I WILL hunt you down...

Remembering Ashley

Tonight a young lady of great strength and incredible determination left this planet after a 10 year battle with a monster named "Leukemia." Ashley was a fighter, fierce and fearless. She recently defeated the beast for the third time in a decade. She received a bone marrow transplant less than two months ago. The transplant "took" and cancer lost. And yet tonight she lost a battle to "Graft Vs. Host Disease." With the defeat she stepped into the presence of her Lord, Jesus Christ. As I write this I fumble with the staggering thought that the eyes I last looked into just a few days ago, have now looked into the eyes of God.

Ashley was my friend. It was my honor to walk beside her and teach her about Jesus throughout her teenage years. I really cannot find words to honor her very well tonight. I'm still trying to understand that she is gone.

I hope you will take the time to read about Ashley HERE and HERE.  And it would be really great if you would pray for her family.

More to come...

I Spy Paisley Style

It was Sunday and we were leaving church. The Precious Paisley and I were in the car waiting for The Amazing Elle and Debbie to come out of the building.  We were then to make our way to Lee's Fried Chicken to eat lunch with fiends. Pais decided we needed to play a game to help pass the time. She selected "I Spy."  You know how it goes. One of us would say, "I spy with my little eyes something ..." And then name the color of the object. The other begins guessing till he gets it right. Pais went first.

"I spy with my little eye something WHITE!"

Time to show the kid her grandfathers brilliance.

"The stripes on the flag!

"No."

"The numbers on the speedometer!"

"Uh uh."

"Mrs. Joneses coat!"

"Nope."

"The lines on the parking lot!"

"Hu uh."

"Paisley.  Are you really looking at something? Or are you screwing with grandpa's head?"

"I really did, grandpa!"

"Ok. Umm. That jeep over there!"

"Wrong."

"Paisley! You are messing with me. What did you see that was white?"

"Your hair."

"Oh."

Christmas is going to be very light under her tree this year...

Michigan? To Die For!

My squaw and I returned from our annual pilgrimage to Michigan last week.  This is the state of my birth and a place I love to visit.  The trip was a wonderful mix of shockingly beautiful fall leaves and the deep blues of Lake Superior.  Six (count 'em ... 6!) whitefish lay down their lives so that my palate could be a happy place.  Lake Superior whitefish fear me.  When October arrives they begin emailing each other those annoying warnings about the evils that are trying to take over their neighborhoods.  You know what I mean.  You get those emails too.  Who sends those?  But in the case of the fish ... they are right.  October finds me packing my bags and traveling north, soon to arrive on their shores with the solitary goal of eating as many of them as I can in my four day visit.  It's total carnage.

This year I found out that Michigan bites back.

On Wednesday, our final day "up north," we drove to "Pictured Rocks National Lake Shore."  This under-reported national treasure is a long stretch of land along Lake Superior renowned for its steep cliffs, huge 300 foot high sand dunes, and picturesque rock configurations.  We drove and we hiked and we had a great day challenging ourselves to find just one more stunning view.  It was on one of those hikes that I came across this sign ...

Look at that poor helpless soul on top of that cliff.  He's about to meet his maker.  (Upon closer inspection I think he might be one of The Village People.)  It seems that sandstone can be dangerous.  You could die...

And then I came across this ...

Are you SERIOUS?  They allow hunting on the same land they promote for tourism?  That seems a bit odd to me.  Hapless sightseers are simply warned with a, "Hey, you might want to wear orange or something cause we shoot a lot up here.  Be a darn shame if you dressed like a 10 point buck, doncha know?"  I mean, you could die...

On the same bulletin somebody had placed...

In Detroit they sell a t-shirt riddled with bullet holes and the inscription, "Hope you come back soon!  Sorry we missed you!"  Riiiiight.  And in Michigan's "U.P." if the hunters miss you the falling tree branches will not.  They are in cahoots.

Later on I found...

Honestly friends, I thought I would live out the rest of my days without facing the dreaded "Wild Parsnip Plant Alert."  Take a close look at those skin shots.  Yes ... YOU COULD DIE...

As if dangerous cliffs, falling branches, over zealous hunters, rogue branches, and toxic plants are not enough it seems that the bugs also want you dead.

Yes, the bugs in Michigan can take you out.  Why?  Because (slipping into my hysterical voice) INSECT REPELLENT DOES NOT WORK!!!!!  Doomed, I tell you.  We are doomed.

And then there are always the killer fish...

...followed by the dangerous walk way...

Or it may not.  Figure it out.

Oh ...and don't forget the dreaded log slide!  And just to show you how DEADLY serious we are how about we throw in an ambulance, four colorful "CAUTION"s, and seven reasons why you should not enjoy going down the sand dune in front of you.

That's not enough to convince you that YOU COULD DIE?  Well...

There it is.  If you can get close enough to your computer monitor to read the words you'll find out that this sand dune in front of you is the former site of a log slide where loggers would chop trees on top of the dunes and send them down the sand chute into the lake back in the 1800's.  And yes ... someone DID die here!  They didn't just die ... they were CRUSHED by water skimming logs!  One poor soul was ripped right out of his shoes.

Oh my.

The Michigan state motto is "Si Quaeris Peninsulam Amoenam Circumspice."  Translated into english that means, "If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you."  Judging by their signage you better look fast.

But can I let you in on a little secret?  The whitefish?  Totally worth the risk.

Growing Gills on Gitchiegoomie

It gives me great pains to report to you, my hard core fans of the "Lost In The Woods" that I have had to demote my personal physician.  Remember I told you how she's a rock star for saving my life yet again last week?  Well.  She is a little bit less of a rock start now than she was.  She totally healed me ... made me well back then ... or so I thought.  Turned out to be a teaser.  Antibiotics.  Good advice.  Bingo-bango I was over the hacking and coughing and back on the way to health.

But ... ahhhh ... no.  The day before I left town for Michigan, (where I am penning this statement of shock and concern,) I had to call her up and tell her I was coughing up my knee caps again.  I didn't actually SPEAK to her.  I spoke to a nurse.  But the nurse was speaking to her and we were conversing through this angel of mercy.  (Side note ... always speak nicely about nurses.  They handle the needles.)  So the nurse was telling her how I was feeling and the doctor was telling her to tell me that she will prescribe more miracle drugs and I should be good as new in 6 weeks.  Great.  "Take the pills and it will still take 6 weeks to run its course."  That's what she said.  So I employed my great wit and said, "So I will survive?"  The doctor replied, "You aren't going to die!  Not this time.  You will someday though."  I heard her.  She just lay it out there.  Then she laughed.  And then they were gone and I was left holding the phone wondering ...

What just happened?

My rock star doctor just told me that I'm going to die.  Someday.  Can we think that through for a minute?

She doesn't know what I'll be sick with.

She doesn't know when the sickness will strike.

She doesn't know what medical advances will be made between now and then.

And yet she's already writing me off?  Are you serious?  Is this the kind of doctor YOU want?  I don't.  NO way.  NO sir.  I want a doctor that says, "Heck yeah, we are going to beat this thing!  I am a rock star doctor and you can count on me!  No way I'm going to let the cruel fingers of death wrap their bony fingers around your neck!  You can count on me, Ron-o!"

I don't even have the illness yet and she's already thrown in the towel, wrapped my carcass in it, and lowered me into a chilly hole in the ground.  How do you say U~N~A~C~C~E~P~T~A~L~E.

And so here I sit.  800 miles from home. Antibiotics in my backpack.  Cough syrup (with sweet codeine!) by my bed stand.  An inhaler in my pocket. My bride looks at me with that "come hither" stare and I blow a lung in response.  And my doctor is already preparing my death certificate.

I have eaten 4 meals in the two days since arriving here on the southern edge of the lake the indians call "Gitchigoomie."    4 consecutive meals of freshly murdered white fish just pulled kicking and screaming from Lake Superior.  I am growing gills.  When I burp I taste fish.  And somewhere in St. Louis I wonder if there sits a woman.  A doctor.  She leans over my chart late on this night and she cackles ... waiting ... knowing the hook has been set ... the tug has come on the line ... and soon she'll reel me in.  That cold dead "carp stare" will be in my eyes.  And when she burps she will taste ...

I miss Dr. Buttfeel.

The Fifteen Most Important Things I Did Today

Okay, so break time is over and it's time to start blogging again.  I mean, seriously.  I've been missing in action for a bit.  Taking a sabbitical of the brain.  You can't get this close to 1,000- posts and quit.  Know what I mean?  I believe this is post number 907.  907 posts in ten years.  I'll never win a pulitzer that way.

So I went to see my rock star doctor yesterday.  I like her because she's a real human being.  I was there on a "sick visit."  They called my name and I was led back into the inner sanctum.  I came across the doctor in the maze of hallways and she looked surprised to see me.  As we crossed paths she patted me in the shoulder and said, "Hi!  Good to see you!  How are you doing?"  She may be a rock star but sometimes she asks dumb questions. I told her that if I was doing all that great ... would I be there?  She didn't get mad at me like Doctor Buttfeel use to.  But she got even with me a few minutes later when she showed up in the examining room and pronounced me as dwelling at deaths door.  The verdict ... an upper respiratory infection, a sinus infection, and double ear infections.  Hey, if you are going to get infected, go all the way.  She gave me 21 little pills, we shot the breeze for about 10 minutes, and I went home.

That brings us to today.  Home.  No work.  No fun.  Boo.  So here's how I spent my hours ...

1.   Rise and shine. Well. Rise and think about shining. I don't do morning. And I'd been sleeping in our guest room trying to keep my asthmatic wife healthy. So who really slept?

2.   Ice Road Truckers. " Ya can't stop the Chop!"

3.   Surgical strike on Moto Mart to get caffeinated. And gum. And chips. And...

4.   Ice Road Truckers.  I wanna drive The Dalton.

5.   Stare at the can of tuna fish. Put it back in the cabinet.

6.   Whoa!  iOS 6 is out!  Upgrade 2 iPads. What?  I now have Siri?

7.   Spend 90 minutes asking Siri stupid questions.

8.   Ice Road Truckers while jonesing for a pizza.

9.   Nap time!

10.  Lay near the window sill. Stare outside cat-like. Remember the tuna fish. Shake it off. That almost got seriously feline-ish.

11.  The garage door is going up!  (Act sick for sympathy sake.)

12.  Stop and smell the roses. No. Really. She bought me roses yesterday. She loves me, you know.

13.  Go with her to get a pizza. (Playing sick works.)

14.  Watch cat-like from the window again when she leaves for church.

15.  (Sigh) Ice Road Truckers.

Stupid Picture Chronicles #64

Attention:  Do not attempt to roller blade on inverted triangles!

Greater Love Has No Man Than This ...

On a bright and blue skied day in late July we found ourselves driving wide expressways and winding two lanes between Cleveland, Ohio, and Richmond, Virginia.  Like Little Red Riding Hood we were on our way to grandparents house.  We did not happen across any wolves but we did discover a field where wolves died.

While driving down one of those beautiful Appalachian mountain highways we came across a sign pointing us to the "Flight 93 National Memorial." If your memory is eleven years long you will recall that this is the place where passenger's disrupted a hijacking attempt by suicidal terrorists on 9/11.  They wrestled the plane out of the hands of murderous wolves and, unfortunately, sent it hurtling into the pastoral tranquility of Shanksville, Pa.  In so doing they apparently saved the nation from having to build a new capital.  How many places can you go to within the borders of the United States in the post-civil war years and say, "Here is a place where men took a stand for freedom?"  Honestly, I cannot think of one other than this.  You can't be eleven miles from this kind of heroic history and fail to stop and pay your respects.

The field where the fallen heroes died is ... well ... a field.  That pretty much sums it up.  The point of impact is marked by a seventeen ton rock moved there after the crater was filled-in. If you follow the line created by the 40 marble markers dedicated to the passengers and crew of flight 93, you will see the incoming flight path of the plane over a long row of naked hills.  This is where the locals are attempting to reclaim the area marred by coal bearing strip mines.  You will also hear a National Park Ranger tell you that the huge jet came soaring over that nearest hill ... forty feet off the ground ... upside down ... at roughly 600mph ... and slammed into the ground directly in front of you. The very thought is jarring.  My first thought was simply, "No way."  The concept is totally out of place with the tranquility of the landscape.  Isn't that always true in war and in cemetaries?  Death should never mar beauty.  And yet it always does.

And you will wonder what it felt like to be on that jet.  Fighting.  Knowing you were about to die.  And you wonder if you have what it takes to make the decision they did.

You wonder what it felt like to be one of the men working in a scrap metal salvaging plant up on top of those hills as the jet sent them sprawling to the ground, convinced that it would not clear their heads.  And then as they felt the impact and saw the ball of fire erupt mushroom like, realizing that theirs were the last eyeballs to see these people alive.  And then when they discovered that these were not just ordinary men and women ... but patriots.  The first combatants in the war on terror.  And you realize that in death they won.  In death.  They ... won. 

It seems that victory is not defined by life.  It is defined by knowing "right" and doing it.  It is defined by honor.  By integrity.  No matter the cost.  Honestly, I doubt that the freedom fighters knew for certain that they were about to die until it was too late.  In my imagination I believe that they must have convinced themselves that they could regain control of the jetliner and somehow, miraculously, manage to land the thing.  That does nothing to diminsh their bravery.  It does not tarnish their sacrifice.  It makes them human.  And it reveals how strong and self-sacrificing they truly were.  For when their dreams of survival died they fought on.  Heroes till the very last inch.

Had they not fought we would have had a much different ending to 9/11.  We would have had a crater where the United States Capital building now stands.  That beaufitul and familiar dome would only exist in photographs today.  We would have had to face the trauma of completely restaffing congress.  And desipite jokes about how that might have been a good thing ... it most certainly would not have been.  America would have survived.  But think of the impact on our economy had the congress and the Capital been destroyed.  Think about what Wall Street would have done.  Think about suddenly being nearly leaderless.  Words like "Marshal Law" come to mind.  If frightens one to the core.

And the terrorists were only twenty-minutes (by air) from successfully accomplishing their task.

Twenty minutes.

I thank and honor the men and women on Flight 93.  I stand in awe of them.  When the coroner brought "cadaver dogs" to the scene after the FBI relenquished if from "crime scene" status, the dogs walked into the field ... and lay down.  They were overwhelmed.  This was their way of saying "Their are parts (fragments really) of bodies everywhere here."  And so the coroner had the field covered with five inches of top soil.  And he declared it a cemetary.  And he left it alone.

And it is holy ground in the truest sense of the word.

"Greater love has no man than this, that he lay his life down for his friend."  John 15: 13

stupid picture chronicles #63

So how do you tell people, "I live on highway 666?"  I suppose it cuts down on guests...

The First Ten

Well, happy blog-o-versary to me!  Yes, ten years ago today I began this little piece of writing.  It was set-up as a token gift by my son-in-law, The Amazing Joe.  He included this note which is actually the very first post...

"Ron, I know how everyone loves to get your emails and how funny your stories are, so I thought I would set up this site as a way that you can share your stories with the world. 

Enjoy
-Joe"

That was August 1, 2002.  And here we are on August 1, 2012.  If you do not count Joe's opening post I have written precisely 900 seperate articles since that day.  That is a lot of writing.  I've watched many people start blogs.  Some don't stick with it very long.  Some write for a year or two and life gets busy and they eventually fade.  What's the secret to a ten year run?  It's actually pretty simple.  You have to have something in your soul trying to get out.  Often it's something that's just on a slow boil ... consistent ... on-going ... never ending.

I've had a few conversation lately with some people who are close to me.  They mentioned that I don't blog as frequently as I once did.  That is true.  After some thought I've uncovered what I think are the reasons for that.  When I began writing in this corner of the web I was a youth pastor.  I did not have the weekly obligation to create a minimum of three original pieces of material teaching God's Word.  That is what I do these days.  I find that so much of my creativity has to be poured into that endeavor.  Sometimes it doesn't leave much for an interesting blog.  Yet I think that the real reason is a little more complicated.  I write what I think.   What I feel.  And for those who know me it is clear that my though processes are occasionally ... warped.  Off balanced.  At least I'm told that on a regular basis.  People expect their Senior Pastor to be sane.  Somewhat reserved.  Certainly not bizarro and mentally scary.  Suffice it to say that I've gotten in more trouble with more people over blog posts during the last five years than I did in the first five years.  I'm quite happy with my thought processes, but I don't like defending them.  I just write what I think and if it works for you ... great.  If it doesn't work for you ... great.  I don't like fighting over it.  And I certainly don't like hurting peoples feelings over it.

So anyway, here's to the next ten years.  Thanks for reading.  Thanks for encouraging.  I hope you have enjoyed it.  And I promise you one thing ... I've had more fun writing thatn you have had reading.

I Am More

At birth I was more than a squealing lump of slimy infant.

I grew into more than an awkward kid with no meat on his bones and a cowlick.

I sat still long enough to get educated but I was more than a brain full of knowledge.

She said yes and I gave her a ring but I was more than a rookie husband who wanted to please.

I helped create them and they call me "dad" but I am more than a father.

They gave me a signed paper and told me I was a minister but I am more than a "preacher."

I got to share life with thousands of students, baptizing many but I was more than a spiritual babysitter.

And now I have married many, I have buried many, and I have carried many.  But I am more.

I have spoken to crowds and I have spoken to one.  But I am more.

I have a desk but I am more than a body sitting and studying.

They ask me for advice and direction and I do my best.  But I am more than a guide.

I dream and I plan and I coach and I mentor and I promote and I administrate and I guide and I teach and I visit and I pray and I listen and I shepherd and I protect and I ...  But I am more.

I am coming to Christ. (I Peter 2: 4)

I am a living stone.  (I Peter 2: 5a)

I am a holy priest.  (I Peter 2: 5b)

I am a chosen person.  (I Peter 2: 9)

I am a part of a holy nation.  (I Peter 2: 9)

I am God's very own possession.  (I Peter 2: 9)

I am a temporary resident, a foreigner.  (I Peter 2: 11)

I am free.  (I Peter 2: 16)

I am, by my own choice, God's slave.  (I Peter 2: 16)

And because I am, God is pleased with me.  (I Peter 2: 20)

God is not upset with me.  God is not mad at me.  God thinks I'm special.  God thinks I am as special as His Son, Jesus.  I know that because Jesus is the price He paid to buy me from satan.  If you trust and submit to Him, no matter what you have done or how guilty some one else tells you that you are, and no matter how guilty some one makes you feel (listen close ... put your ear to the screen ... you need to hear this ...) HE IS NOT MAD AT YOU!  And if some one says He is they do not know what they are talking about and you should not buy a used car from that person.

He is my reason, my purpose, my example, my leader, my guide, my counselor, my comforter, my truth, my joy, my Savior.

He thought of me, designed me, created me, wept over me, died for me, and bought me back.  And so I will love Him, serve Him, follow Him, submit to Him, obey Him, trust Him, defer to Him, worship Him, and confess Him.

Just when I think I know who I am ... I find out that I am more.  (And so are you.  If you want to be.)

Recapturing The Glory

I'm not too smart.  This comes as no surprise to those who know me.  I speak too quickly and act too slowly.  Well, most of the time.  At least that's my own observations of myself.  I don't say this to prompt any one to disagree with me.  We all have images of ourselves that may or may not be accurate.  The fact that we feel that they are accurate is what makes them so important.

Those whom I serve at my fantastic church bless me with five ... count 'em 5 ... weeks of vacation each year.  That is ample time to rest, refresh, and reinvent.  My problem isn't having enough time.  My problem is managing what I am given.  The year is more than half over and I have neglected to take one vacation day.  A smarter me would have taken at least two weeks by now.  I say "smarter" because I began a two week vacation three hours ago and honestly, I'm limping into it.  Again, no whine intended.  I am a big guy and I make my own decisions.  I did not have to wait until mid-July to take a break.  I just ... did.  There is no real reason why.

Here's the thing.  When the calling that God has placed upon you is a deep calling ... a calling that empties the soul more than it stresses the flesh .. a calling that requires that you taste the salt in the tears of those who cry ... well, it tends to wear you down in ways you don't even notice.

I had forgotten the truth of that statement until this evening just after sunset.  Debbie had left to go to our daughters overnight so that she could be there to babysit our three grandchildren first thing in the morning.  After seeing her off on her mini-journey I made my way toward a local drug store to pick up some things I've fallen short of in my gym bag.  After I made my purchase I prepared to turn back onto the highway home and it was impossible to not take notice of the way God was putting His sun to bed. I snapped a picture of the brilliant reflections bouncing from drifting clouds.  I pulled to the side of the parking lot and just looked at what He had made.  And I wasn't impressed.  My pulse didn't beat any faster.  I didn't catch my breath.  And it took me a full minute of looking at the sky to remember how I use to feel when catching a view like this one.

And I missed the feeling.  The peace.  The joy.  The thankfulness.  I missed them.

So I am taking fourteen days and I am dedicating each of them to recapturing a bit of the glory.  The glory of God blazing its way into my heart.  I want to find Him in the unexpected places again.  I want to hear His breath when I wake in the mid-night hours.  I want to sing in worship again for a couple of weeks instead of rehearsing in my head what I am going to say from a pulpit after the song is over.  I want to look at the feet sticking out the end of my pants and find wonder in the design of God in the making of toes.  The simple things.  My grandkids grasp on my finger.  The sound of my wife's voice.  The smile of my kids who have turned into full fledged adults.  I want to be still for hours in a row and listen to my heart beat to the rhythm God tuned it to.  I want to talk to Him and know ... KNOW ... that He is listening.  Not because He said He would but because I can sense Him in my spirit.

It's a noble task.  And it is an impossible task.  It will take the Hand of God to make it happen.  And I suppose that more than anything else I want to feel the thrill of knowing that He entered into my life afresh, met me, and raised me from my fatigue.

There is no better vacation than that.

The Little Man

He was only three. Barely old enough to be able to choose what he wanted included in his happy meal. Scarcely enough experience under his belt to maybe walk beside mommy or daddy through the aisles of a grocery store instead of having to always ride in the cart. Three years old.

I'm certain he was having a great day. It was a weekend and he was at grandma's and grandpa's. Mom was there too. Every kid loves to go to his grandparents. Especially when it's hot outside and they have a pool. Mom was folding laundry and he was squirting through the house with all of the energy his little body could muster. Every parent knows that is a substantial amount of energy. Space Shuttle's have been launched on less. And so the little man was navigating the familiar surroundings like an expert helmsman steers through the familiar waters of one of his favorite ports. Life was good.

Ten minutes passed. Fifteen at the most. There were enough adults around to put all minds at rest that the little man was well cared for. Until mom noticed she had not heard him for a bit. And so she went looking. He didn't readily respond to her call and that got grandpa's attention. He joined the hunt. They looked in all of the usual places and he was not found. Quick glances under the bed and out into the yard no doubt were responsible for the shot of fear that blazed its way into grandpa's heart. No. Not possible. It couldn't be that. The little man was too smart ... to well prepared and too well schooled. He had heard the warnings and he understood them. It just couldn't be. Grandpa ran out into the backyard anyway, glanced down, and his life was changed forever. All of their lives were changed forever. The little mans body rested at the bottom of the pool.

Grandpa jumped in, pulled him out, and began CPR. His agonizing shouts had alerted mom and she dialed 911. Experts arrived but grandpa had already gotten the little man to stir. He vomited up water. A helicopter was summoned and the nearly lifeless body was flown to a bigger, better equipped hospital. He put up a valiant fight. For three days he battled. And on Independence Day, 2012, the little man drew the stuff of earth into his lungs for the last time. And he was gone.

Gone.

And so my life intersected with theirs. A funeral director searching for a minister was given my phone number. It was the kind of call you never want to receive. Surely there had to be something on my calendar. There absolutely had to be a reason to turn down the request to come and try to bring a measure of solace to the inconsolable. My calendar just glared up at me. Friday evening and Saturday. Empty blank days in the middle of a calendar that often resembles a crossword puzzle.

Given my choice I never want to see a four foot long casket again. I've seen too many. The experiences of 38 years of ministry has shown time and again that there is nothing more difficult, my trying, more draining, more breaking, more devastating than standing at an open four foot long casket and gazing inside, knowing that somehow you are going to have to explain to crushed, shell-shocked parents exactly why their child is gone. And where he is. And how God could let this happen. And what kind of a God is he anyway?

He is a good God. He is the definition of "love." He is kind. Patient. Generous. Giving. Sacrificing. Perfect and pure. But the world is broken. We live in a war zone where the prince of evil brings all of the pain and destruction that he possibly can to bear on God's people in a last ditch attempt to lash out and spew his venom from his dying fangs. Indeed it is a war zone. All too often the serpent appears to be winning.

Not so. Not so for one minute. Because the word is true.

"For we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8: 28. Please pray for my new friends. They will never fully understand what has happened. Pray that the goodness of God will be whispered to them through human hands and human words, moving them toward the Heavenly Hands that hung on a cross so that they can see their little man again.

That's truly all there is. And it is truly all we need.