I won ... but I'm tiiiiired

I'm tiiiiiired tonight. The rug rats tried their best but I lived. I just don't know whhhhy. Did I mention I'm tiiiiired?

I stepped up to the plate today. Took control of the room in a radical way. Laid down the law. Didn't write my name on the board. Just told it to them and mentioned that if they wanted recess they had best remember it. They did.

Then there was the P.E. teacher. I think that stands for "physical education." This particular P.E. teacher also came to my class to tutor a couple of kids in reading before she took them to the gym and ran their butts off. I didn't know she was the P.E. teacher. Actually I thought she was like a high school senior earning extra credit or something.

Then she showed up to take the kids to the gym. I started getting the kids lined up and, while they were putting their books away, I walked over to her and asked how she managed to survive doing this for a living.

"Doing what for a living?" she asked dumbly.

"Teaching."

"How did you do it?" she asked still more dumbly.

"Do what?"

"I thought you probably retired from teaching and now just subbed occasionally,” she said at the zenith of her dumbery.

I looked at her. Closely. "Retired? You think I'm retired?"

"Well, I didn't know” she said as she passed from dumb straight into insane.

"I'm not retired and I never taught. I was a pastor but I seem to have gotten past it." I replied cleverly with a twist of sarcasm.

She left with the kids. None too soon. Retired. Bah! She must pay.

After thirty minutes she returned with my beloved cast of criminal wannabee's. She was the first one in the door with the kids following behind. I waited until we locked eyes.

"Well, if it isn't the thirteen year old pop-tart." It was a shining moment ... even if she didn't get it. She left the room. I had a 2nd grader use a disinfectant cleaner where she had walked.

And the kids? One dumped his desk over. It was an acccccident. Sure it was. One had managed to get himself grounded from recess and had to sit with his head on his desk, which means I got to sit and watch him do it. Fun. If I had made the call he would have sat with his desk on his head instead of his head on his desk. There was actually a plus side. My first assignment was to read to them for 25 minutes out of some book about kids living in a boxcar. (Strange.) At that point EVERY BODY began raising their hands. You know why? They all wanted to be the one to scratch my back while I read the story.

Say what?

Yep. It seems that the teacher lets kids scratch her back everyday while she reads. It took me about 3 nanoseconds to agree and select today's "scratchers." This is a tradition I can live with.

Tomorrow? It's back to middle school semi-messed up kids. I can handle that. Easily. Nobody is more semi-messed up than I am. It's like going home.

But tonight? I'm tiiiiiired.